How to Train Your Dragon Part 9 Learn the Language

If this movie is not about a boy and a dragon, but instead presents the secrets to a happy, lasting marriage, then something else I learned is that we must learn their language.


If you are married to a Fire-Breathing Reptile (FBR) who is very non-verbal, rest assured that you are not alone.  Part of why I am writing this for women is to help satiate our need for words!

Many husbands do not like to communicate verbally.  If this is your situation too, then together we wives must learn their “sign language.”  Sometimes I wish my husband was more talkative, until I talk to one of my my girlfriends whose husband will talk her ears off!  Then, I am suddenly content with a bit more peace and quiet.

In, Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage, Mark Gungor talks about the four personality types like they are different nationalities.  The Peaceful person, therefore comes from the country of Peace, whereas the Perfect person comes from the land of Perfect.  The two countries, he says, have very different dialects.  He makes a very good point. 

What makes sense to us does not make sense to our husbands.  And the same is true in reverse.  What Mark revealed on his video series, is the “deepest need” that makes your spouse tick.  If we will keep our eye on the ball, so to speak, and strive to meet that particular need for our spouse, then suddenly it is as though we are speaking his language.

The golden rule in learning their language, is don’t assume.  We all know what happens when we ass-u-me, right?  So, do not make the mistake that his actions mean what you think they mean.  Chances are they don’t.  If you are forced to assume what your spouse means, you have to, I mean have to, assume the best.


"Love always hopes" needs to be our slogan here.  (There is an excellent series of devotions in Rick Renner's book, on this passage of scripture.)   "Love always hopes," means that whatever your FBR’s actions are, you must choose to believe that he intends whatever is best for you.  This way if you are going to err, you err on the side of righteousness.

"When in Rome..." part 7

When I was asked to speak here tonight, it was suggested that I maybe share a story about how I’ve had a wish come true.  It was interesting because that got my mind in review mode, scrolling for the best story to tell.

The truth is that I’ve wished for a lot of things, and only gotten some of them.  And some of the things I’ve wished for haven’t turned out the way I’d hoped.

When I was in Rome in 2007 I went to the Trevi Fountain and made a wish.

I was so discouraged at that time because the two things I had been praying for, for so long, I had not happened yet.  One was that I wanted to be married again, and the other thing was that I desperately wanted to be published.

I wanted to be published so badly, because I thought I would have to be a published author in order to do what I am doing tonight.  I want so much to be a spokeperson for Jesus.

And I wanted to be married because every princess longs for a Prince.  Amen?

But I was so discouraged, so tired of asking the Lord for those two things.  I had been asking, begging pleading with God for so long.  I had even tried negotiating with God, “Well, if I can’t have both, then just give me one of those two things...”  By the time I got to the Trevi Fountain, I guess I kind of gave up.  I had been writing since 2001, and a single mother since 1999.

So, I decided to use my Trevi Fountain wish for something else.  I talked it over with the Lord too, because I don’t really believe in Fountains.  I said, “Lord, you know what I really want, but I’m not going to wish for that today.  Anything but that.”  So, as I lifted my Euro coin up and threw it over my shoulder, I “wished” for something else.  Something that wouldn’t slay me if it didn’t come true.

Funny thing is, I have no idea now what I actually wished for.  Whatever it was it must have been something utterly insignificant, and forgettable.  Maybe I wished for a good day.

But God heard my heart, and hadn’t forgotten me.

Four months after returning home from Rome, I submitted my unpublished manuscript to The Best New Canadian Christian Author of the year contest and was named one of the finalists.

Ten months after I visited that fountain, the man who is now my husband walked through the front door of my school and asked me out for the very first time.

My point tonight is simply this -- Jesus is the supplier of everything you deeply desire.


Psalm 37:4 says,

“Delight yourself in the LORD 

       and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

That manuscript never did get published.  The Lord instructed me to “give it away” so I started a blog and posted the whole thing.  Now I maintain that blog and have over 1000 visitors every month, with readers accessing it from all over the world.

And I keep writing.  I don’t know what the Lord has for me, but I do know this.  I am here tonight talking to you fine ladies about the Love of my life.  And I have a fine-looking man waiting for me at home.  Together we have 4 young adult children, and let me tell you, life in a blended family is never boring.

Ultimately, the Lord is the Author of my unique “happily ever after.”  And He can be the Author of yours too.  Learn to delight yourself in Him.  

If you don’t know Jesus as your saviour, please come and talk with me afterwards.  It would be my pleasure and an enormous priviledge for me to pray with you tonight.

If you don’t really know how much Jesus loves you, please come and let me pray with you that you too will receive a revelation of God’s unfailing love for you.

*****

Readers, do you know Him?  Let me know.  I long to hear from you just as God longs to hear your prayers.  Did you know the Bible tells us to present our requests to Him?  Go ahead.  He's listening.

"Unfailing Love" part 6

The third group of wishes centered around relationships.
The wishes were for someone to love and to be loved.  Don’t we all want and need that?  God is fully aware of this.  After all, He created us for love.
Proverbs 19:22 says,

“What a man desires is unfailing love;”  

The boys wished for girlfriends, hot girlfriends specifically.  I don’t think they had marriage on their minds, if you know what I’m saying!  Whereas the girls wished for husbands, preferably a prince.  Can you see the conflict of interest here?  The world is full of women, young women, who are just starving for love.  Unfailing love.  They seem to be willing to do just about anything to snag themselves a man.

But, Proverbs 20:6 declares,

“Many a man claims to have unfailing love, 

but a faithful man who can find?”

Indeed!  Where can you find a faithful man?  We are a generation looking for love in all the wrong places.  The truth is that the One and Only source of unfailing love is God Himself.  God is love.

I will never forget the day that I learned, deep in the marrow of my bones, that I am loved by God.  

It was the day I found Ephesians 1:4-5,

“For he chose us in him before the creation of the world 

to be holy and blameless in his sight. 

In love he predestined us to be adopted 

as his sons through Jesus Christ, 

in accordance with his pleasure and will—”

These verses told me six life-changing facts:

1. I was chosen by the Creator of the universe, before it was created.
2. I am holy and blameless in His sight.  (Imagine, ME!?!?)
3. God was motivated by love.  No ulterior motives.
4. I was predestined to know Him.
5. He adopted me because I brought him pleasure.
6. God loves me intentionally.

In that moment, my soul opened up as if I had been struck with spiritual lightening.  And I knew that I knew that I was loved by God.  The sad thing is that I had been a Christian for years already!

Maybe you are here tonight and you are wishing you knew that you are loved by God.  Ladies, let me tell you tonight, that if I am loved by God, YOU ARE LOVED BY GOD!!  And his love is unfailing.

*****

Readers, you might like to know that after almost 10 years of being a single mom, a faithful man found me.  We were married November 28, 2008.  Here we are:

"You're Perfect for your Purpose!" part 5

The second group of wishes had to do with doing things, having certain skills or abilities.

Most students wished for specific abilities, accomplishments, or achievements like:

• “I wish I could sing,” 
• “I wish I could do missions work,”
• “I wish I could play soccer for a national team in the World Cup.”  

They want to do something significant.  They want a sense of purpose.  Rick Warren’s book, Purpose Driven Life sold over 25 million copies and is the best-selling hardcover book in American history.  It seems like doing something, and doing it with purpose, is something we are all yearning for.

This basic human need is also fulfilled in Christ.
Ephesians 2:10 says,

“For we are God's workmanship, 

created in Christ Jesus to do good works, 

which God prepared in advance for us to do.”   

Yes, we were created to do good works.  We don’t have to wish we will be good enough to do whatever it is that we are called to do.  All we have to do is prepare ourselves to the best of our ability and trust God for the rest.  He created us to do GOOD works -- not substandard works, or sloppy works, but good works.  We can trust that He will make us able.

Colossians 3:23-24

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, 

as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 

since you know that you will receive an inheritance 

from the Lord as a reward. 

It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

In Dr. Myles Munroe’s book, Principles and Power of Vision, he states that we are made perfect for our purpose.

So instead of wishing for skills, abilities, or accomplishments, we can just be praying that God reveals to us the purpose for our lives, and thank Him for equipping us to fulfill our purpose.

*****

Readers, it is an awesome book!

"Poverty vs. Prosperity" part 4

The first group of wishes was for money or things that money can buy.  In other words: financial provision.  Jesus promises us that He will make sure we have all we need.

In Matthew 6:33 He was talking about the very necessities of life; food and clothing when he said,
“Seek first the kingdom of God and
all these things will be added unto you.”

If you put the Lord first in your life, you will have your basic needs met.  Maybe not immediately, maybe not in the way you had imagined, but it will happen.  One of the names of God is Jehovah Jireh -- the God of our provision.  Jesus will meet your need for financial provision.

This doesn’t mean you can approach the Lord as if He is some sort of cosmic Santa Claus -- I am not suggesting that money will fall from the sky, or that Christianity is a get-rich-quick plan.  I am saying that our loving heavenly Father will not abandon us in a time of need.

When I got out of my first marriage in 1999, I had a net worth of exactly zero.  I didn’t have a job, and I had to get out of the marital home.  The debt matched the equity exactly, and so I started over again with two kids, a dog, and a 1996 red Sunfire.  Hey, at least it was red!

By a miracle of God, I was able to buy a home.  Then another miracle landed me a job near my new house.  But for a long time I worried that we wouldn’t have enough.  Every time I felt like poverty was squeezing the life out of me, I would practice generousity with someone else.  I had a friend I would go shopping with, and she never had money to actually buy anything she liked, so I started buying her something each time I was feeling poor.

I didn’t realize it at that time, but I was practicing the Biblical principal found in Luke 21:2-4

“He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins.

“Truly I tell you,” he said, 

“this poor widow has put in more than all the others.  

All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; 

but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.”

Now, I certainly didn’t give all that I had to live on, but I gave even in the midst of feeling impoverished.
And the Lord eventually blessed me just as his word says he will in Luke 6:38 --

“Give, and it will be given to you. 

A good measure, pressed down, 

shaken together and running over, 

will be poured into your lap. 

For with the measure you use, 

it will be measured to you.”

Meanwhile, I was learning something more in scripture.

"Whoever can be trusted with very little 

can also be trusted with much, 

and whoever is dishonest with very little 

will also be dishonest with much.  ...

So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, 

who will trust you with true riches?  

And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else’s property, 

who will give you property of your own?"

And so I prayed that God would help me become more trustworthy with what I did have.
Around that time, the Prayer of Jabez was really popular.  So I had a good look at it and I realized that when you ask God to enlarge your territory, you are actually asking Him to increase your responsibility.  Well, I didn’t really want MORE responsibility.  So I didn’t ask for more territory, I asked for the wisdom and the ability to be faithful with what I had, and to be thankful for it.
 
It’s all about praying for what God wants you to have.  I asked for wisdom, trustworthiness, and to be faithful and grateful for what I had.  And I began to give.

See, God doesn’t want to bless you materially so that you line your own pockets and keep everything for yourself.  He doesn’t want you to be financially constipated.  Everything belongs to Him, and he wants to keep the finances flowing.

Did you know that the overwhelming majority of the world’s population lives on less than $2 a day?  If you are not willing to give it away, don’t expect God to give to you.  

We have to start recognizing that money is just a tool that we are to use to advance His kingdom.  Our money is not even ours!  If you don’t believe me, check out the parable of the talents.  :)

Love, Darilyn

"Wishing, Hoping, Praying" part 3

Making a wish can be really fun.  I asked my classes to write down for me what they would wish for if given the chance.  I wanted to see what kind of trend might emerge, or if one would.

They wished for:

• material possessions or money,
• talents or abilities,
• and relationships!

These wishes could be categorized as:

• To be secure, 
• To be successful,
• To be loved, 

Interesting how all of the wishes were the students’ own version of “happily ever after.”

I think in order to obtain these types of things, we need to do more than just wish for them.  We need to pray for them.

The difference between wishing and praying is this: wishing is hope without substance.  We know, even while we are blowing out those candles (and the more there are, the more this is true) that the wish is not likely going to come true.  Maybe some of us have stopped bothering to even make a wish when we blow out our candles.  Maybe some of us don’t even bother to light them.  The song we heard earlier, contains one line that I think captures our hopelessness when it comes to wishes, “I wish wishes came true.”

The truth is, wishing is not enough.  We need to pray.

Wishing is hope without substance, whereas praying is an expression of faith.
We pray because we have faith in the One to whom we are offering our petitions.  We know that God is love, that he has our best interests at heart, and that he wants to hear from us.  He is enough to meet our needs, and He promises to do so.

The key to unlocking the power of prayer is knowing what to pray for.

*****

"If you can do anything..." part 2

I teach at a private Christian school.  Every day after rising for Oh Canada, we have a student read some scripture and pray over the intercom to start our day.

Almost every day the student will pray something like,
“May everyone who has a test today do well on it,”
“May everyone who has a cold feel better today,”
“Give us all a good day today.”

I’m guessing these kind of prayers must sound like fingernails on a chalkboard in the ears of God.

I mean, come on!

Here we are -- covered with the blood of the lamb, in the throne room of The Almighty, Holy of Holies, we have the full attention of the Creator of all that ever was, is, or will be.  He is tuned to us with rapt attention, and perhaps like Jesus often inquired, He is asking, “What do you want me to do for you?”

And we ask for “a good day”??  What is up with that?  Don’t we KNOW he is capable of a whole lot MORE than giving us one “good day”??

This minimal attitude of ours reminds me of a story in Mark chapter 9:

Jesus took Peter, James and John with him and led them up a high mountain, where they were all alone. There he was transfigured before them.  His clothes became dazzling white, whiter than anyone in the world could bleach them.  And there appeared before them Elijah and Moses, who were talking with Jesus.  Then a cloud appeared and covered them, and a voice came from the cloud: “This is my Son, whom I love. Listen to him!”  Suddenly, when they looked around, they no longer saw anyone with them except Jesus.  As they were coming down the mountain, ...

They came to the other disciples, they saw a large crowd around them...  A man in the crowd said, “Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech.  Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground.  He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not.”  Jesus replied, “Bring the boy to me.”

So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion.  He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.  Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?”

“From childhood,” he answered.  "It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”

That’s the part that really amazes me.  This man has no idea Who he is talking to!!

Does he think he is at the return counter at Canadian Tire, “Hey, buddy, if you can do anything, I’d like to return this tool.”

Or does he think he’s at the garage talking to his mechanic, “My engine is making this wierd noise, if you can do anything, let me know.”

Just 5 minutes before, Jesus showed Himself for Who He really is.  The One and Only Holy Son of a Holy God.  And this guy says, “If you can do anything...”?

Jesus says, “‘If you can’”!?!?

You better believe he can!!  He can do anything!  So why are we asking for a “good day”???  Can’t we think of something more significant, more life-changing, more important to ask for from the Almighty Creator of the entire Universe?

*****

"A longing fulfilled" part 1

Recently I was invited to speak at a ladies event in which the theme was wishing.  We had a really great time, and a few days later, a friend came by and asked me how it went.  She was quite interested in knowing what I had spoken about.

"Well, my notes are right here," I told her, "You can have them if you like."

She seemed quite enthusiastic about that idea, and so she took them home with her.  A little while later, she told me how much my message had blessed her.  Not just a general comment like, "Good job," but a detailed description of exactly which passages had touched her.

Then she asked, "Why haven't you posted it on your blog?"  I didn't really have an answer for her.  I would never intentionally hold out on my readers.  :)  So, by request, here is basically what I said:

*****

Thank you so much for having me here tonight.  I just have to start out with a bit of a confession... It is really intimidating to hear oneself introduced like that.  I mean, they say all these wonderful things about you, and then you have to get up on stage and try to live up to your own press.

What they don't tell you, in a formal introduction like that, is who I really am behind the scenes.  And let me tell you, I do not "have it together" any more than any one of you.

Has anyone been on a cruise?  Yes, me too.  In fact I just got back from one the beginning of February.  You know what they say?  They say the average person on a cruise gains 7 pounds in a week!  That's right!  But I was so happy, I only gained one pound in a week.  The problem is, according to my bathroom scale, I am still on that cruise!

So, I've been wearing stretchy, athletic pants ever since I got home -- they are the only pants that fit.  But I wanted to look really nice for all of you, so I went into my closet and pulled out my black dress pants for tonight.  Thanks to the miracle of control top panty hose, I was actually able to get the pants all the way up.  I'm not saying it was easy.  I'm just saying I got them up.  I felt like a farmer sausage being squeezed into its skin.  I eventually managed to get the zipper up too.  The problem was, the zipper broke, and I was trapped in my pants!

So, I just wanted to tell you that your illustrious speaker is standing before you tonight with pants held together with a paperclip.


The title I have chosen for tonight is, "A longing fulfilled."  That is really the essence of what wishing is -- a longing that we want to have, and hope will be, fulfilled.  The Lord understands how important hope is to the the human heart.  
Proverbs 13:12 tells us, 

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, 

but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

Life is a mixture of “hope deferred” and “a longing fulfilled.”  That’s why it often feels like we are on the proverbial “emotional roller coaster.”  

And there are times when both are true at once.  How many of you wish you could lose 5 pounds?  How many of you ate the dessert anyways?  You see what I mean, we want what we don’t want.  

The Apostle Paul wrote about this struggle in Romans 7:19, 

“For what I do is not the good I want to do; 

no, the evil I do not want to do, this I keep on doing.”

Paraphrased by Darilyn that verse would read, 

“For what I eat is not the healthy stuff I want to eat; 

NO, the chocolate I do not want to eat, 

that is exactly what I keep on eating.”

And then we wonder why our “wishes” don’t come true.

*****

Note to readers: I have actually been chocolate free since March 19!  If you have been following my blog, you know why.  If not, I encourage you to scroll back and see.  It is a great story!!

Hope this blessed you, come back to read more.  

Love, Darilyn

What would you do if you were Limitless?

That question is the tagline for the hot new movie, Limitless.

The story centres around a man who gets his hands on a clear, colourless pill called NZT that allows him to use 100% of his brain instead of just the 10% we all supposedly use.

This pill makes him think clearly, very clearly, and somehow boosts his motivation to get things done.  He starts out as a wanna-be writer with terminal writer's block, but he is able to finish his book within 4 days, once on NZT.

He can learn new languages with little to no effort.  He has instant recall of everything he has ever seen or heard and can combine pieces of information to understand everything in a new way.

The phrase that came to my mind as I was watching was, "Artfully integrates ideas into a cohesive whole." which is one of the descriptors for an Above Level answer for the English Language Arts standards exams.  At that moment, I thought I'd like to get my hands on some NZT for all my students for when they have to write those exams.

Then I thought, oh how I'd love some for myself!  I would finish writing my novel, and the three non-fiction books I've started (and abandoned).  I would be able to create new Bible studies, and speak as eloquently as Beth Moore!  I would figure out a way to understand my husband.  Wait a minute!  Not only would I be giving myself the pill, I would make sure my husband got some too.  (Amen, ladies?)

Of course, the pill in the movie is illegal, and deadly.  So there is a strong message here about the dangers of becoming addicted to a substance.  Still.  I wanted some.

It wasn't long before I noticed the strong correlation between NZT and the Holy Spirit.  Now, calm down folks -- only the positive benefits of NZT align with the Holy Spirit:  The Bible says that the HS will lead us into all truth.  It also says that when we are at a loss for words, the HS will give us the words to say.  Some believe that the HS will cause us to speak in other tongues.  The HS is what allows us to see truths in scripture that an unrenewed mind cannot see.  The HS interprets situations for us and gives us wisdom, discernment, courage, confidence, and power.

Interesting.  And therein is the problem, I think.  Christianity is not a pill you take to relieve all your problems.  Becoming a believer will not make everything suddenly go your way.  Your decision to accept Christ as your saviour will not make you rich, or save you from calamity.  Unfortunately, too many people and pastors try to "sell" Christianity as a solution to their problems.  No wonder folks get disillusioned and fall away.

It's not about you.  (Thanks to Rick Warren who pointed that out to over 30 million readers of Purpose Driven Life.)  It's about Him.

The Holy Spirit doesn't enable you to "do all things" so that you are glorified.  It is so that Christ is glorified in you.

Lord Jesus, above all I pray that you are glorified in my life.  Through the trials and tribulations I am experiencing in my personal life, I pray that you will strengthen me through my inmost being.  I pray that I will be rooted and established firmly in your love, so that when troubles come my way, I will want nothing more than for all of it to be used for your ultimate glory.  Father, I pray that you will have your way with me.  I pray that my desires line up with your desires.  I pray that my will is constantly surrendered to yours.  And I pray that my priorities will always be a reflection of your priorities for my life.  I pray also that you will use every circumstance in my life to conform me more and more into the image of Your Son.  And I pray that my readers will be blessed abundantly by this blog post, Amen.

Readers, I love and value you.  Feel free to share this post on Facebook or elsewhere.  Please include my blog address.  :)

Love, Darilyn

There is No Substitute

Readers, some of you already know that I have made a covenant with the Lord to surrender chocolate for 60 days, until May 16, 2011.  This has nothing to do with Lent, but I suppose it is a similar idea.

The idea is that while my young friend is participating in a 60 day residential treatment program to be set free from his substance addiction, I am relinquishing my 'substance' as well.

I always joked about how often I liked to have chocolate.  It was part of every celebration, and every self-pity party.  It was my reward for accomplishing difficult tasks, and it was how I coped with stress.  It was my immediate preference whenever choosing a flavour of gelato or ordering dessert at a restaurant.  It was my default snack every time we watched a movie.  Those pouches of Coffee Crisp or Kit Kat bites are my absolute favourite!  At home, chocolate was always available in multiple forms: cookies, cake, brownies, chocolate-covered almonds, and whenever I felt the need for even more chocolate, I would make myself a warm-chocolate-melting cake fresh from the oven.

In short, chocolate was an integral part of my every day life.  Much the same way that a substance becomes an integral part of an addict's lifestyle.  Giving it up was much harder than I anticipated.  In an effort to cope, I began to reach for alternate snacks to fill the void.

Last Tuesday I was preparing for a speaking engagement in the afternoon.  There was still a huge piece of chocolate fudge cake with cream cheese icing sitting on the counter which I had made just before making my covenant promise.  I was alone in the house.  That cake seemed to be calling my name.  I went over to the piece of cake, which my husband had conveniently already transferred from the big cake plate onto an individual serving plate, and held the plate in my hands.

I am alone.  I thought,  No one will know.

But I would know.  God would know.  And I wasn't willing to sell out my personal integrity for a chocolate fix, even if it was the best cake I'd ever baked, and even if it would go bad unless someone ate it.   I could not bring myself to put it down the garberator or throw it away, so I stashed it in the freezer to preserve its life until someone else could enjoy it.

I decided to make a carrot cake and put the same irresistible cream cheese icing on it that I had put on the chocolate fudge cake.  So instead of spending time preparing for my speaking engagement, there I was baking a carrot cake.  When it was finally done, cooled, cut into layers, and draped in a lavish amount of the mouth-watering icing, I sat down to enjoy a piece.

That's when I came to the conclusion that there is no substitute.  That piece of carrot cake, no matter how good, would not, could not, fill the chocolate void inside of me.  It could never satisfy my desire, my longing, my craving for chocolate.

And I wondered how often we try to fill the Jesus void inside of us with other things.  We buy shoes, clothes, household items, and all variety of material things to try and satiate the longings we have.  Some of us chase the almighty dollar, or recognition in our chosen field.  Some seek fulfillment in relationships, one after another, after another, after another.  Some folks turn to thrill seeking, death defying stunts to make them feel alive.  Others get hooked on a substance.

Jesus -- there is no substitute.

Only He is our Prince of Peace.  He is our security, our joy, our strength.  Only He can satisfy our soul-deep craving for unfailing love.  Only He can redeem us from darkness and set us completely free.  Unlike that piece of chocolate cake, Jesus really is calling my name.

Readers, I pray that you will realize that there is no substitute for Jesus.  I pray that you can identify the 'substance' you are using to try to fill the Jesus void in your life.  And I pray you will surrender it in favour of pursuing Christ.

Love, Darilyn

Another Update on What's New with Darilyn! :)

One of the most amazing events of my life transpired over the last week.  My daughter has a friend who found himself in a bit of trouble...  I am putting it a bit mildly.  He needed to kick a drug problem.  He waited two months to get into rehab, and the day he thought he was getting in -- they turned him down!

So my daughter called me all upset because she wanted so much to help him.  It was a Friday afternoon and the best I could do was find out about a program that had intakes on Monday.  So, on Monday I took this precious child of God in to hear about the program.

The long and short of it was this: the intake counsellor met us, asked him some questions about his hopes and desires for the future, and pulled some strings to get him in right away.  I mean, right away!  We went and got him an overnight bag, and a doctor's clearance.  He was scared (I was afraid for him too...) but we faced into it, and off he went.

He had to do 5 days of detox, instead of 10, and he is now into 60 days of Rehab.

Now, I have to tell you, I really feel like I witnessed a miracle.  This young man's mother thinks she owes it all to me.  But we know it is Christ in me who has made a difference for this young man.  Still, what a privilege to be part of it.  And I get to be part of it all as his miracle continues to unfold for the next 60 days.

As part of my support for him, I am giving up chocolate for 60 days.  Every time I feel like eating chocolate, I am going to pray for him instead.  :)  If he can give up one of the most addictive substances known to man, surely I can surrender my chocolate.

Please pray for him readers.  The Lord will know who it is.  :)

Love you so much readers.  You are never far from my mind, and you are never absent from my prayers.

Darilyn

What's been on my mind...

Beloved Readers,

Sorry it has been so long since I last blogged.  First of all, my husband surprised me at the end of January by suggesting we get a way for an impromptu vacation.  We flew down to Los Angeles and got on a cruise to the Mexican Riviera.  It was wonderful!!

The day after we got home, I sold my house.  Not the one I have been living in for the past two years and three months with my new husband, but the one in which I lived for seven years as a single mom with my daughter and son.  I had been holding onto it, renting it out and keeping up with the payments.  But I finally felt that letting it go was an important step in letting go of former things.  The Lord says, "Forget the former things, see I am doing a new thing.  Do you not perceive it?"

Well, yes, I perceive it.  So I sold my house.  It was kind of hard, I mean the heights of my growing children were marked on the door-frame between the kitchen and living room.  One can see how they overtook me in height, the dates recorded there beside each mark.  It was a bit sad to think of another family living there, but the home went for well above list price, so I suddenly felt much better.  It was a fulfilled promise, the Lord restored the years the locusts had eaten!  "The desires of the righteous will be fulfilled."

Me, righteous?  Well, I know my only righteousness is because I have accepted the Great Exchange that Christ offers -- His death on the cross so that I am off the hook for paying the wages of sin.  In fact, I have never been more keenly aware of my own frailties as I have been lately.  Marriage is hard.  Blended-Family Marriages are even harder.  This is why I had been writing on How to Train Your Dragon.

I needed my own advice more desperately than any of you readers needed it.  I needed to apply the principles that I observed in that film to my own situation.  And so I did, and what a world of difference it has made.

The truth is that instead of Training my Dragon, I ended up changing me.  I literally trained myself to be a better wife by implementing what I learned from that seemingly insignificant kid's movie.  As I said, my husband suddenly wanted to whisk me away on a cruise!

And so I got to thinking, "Hey, maybe I should take my Dragon Training blog series and make it into a book."  I hope and pray that the concepts, founded on God's Word, will help transform others' marriages too.  So that is what I've been doing.  So, I am sorry that I haven't been adding to this blog -- but rest assured that the Lord is hard at work, conforming me to His image, and calling me onward to do more.

I trust and pray that the Lord is revealing more of himself to you as you seek him with your whole heart. Blessings, precious readers.

Love, Darilyn

How to Train Your Dragon Part 8

It was almost magical the way Hiccup was able to win the confidence of Toothless the Dragon, to become his friend, and eventually be able to climb aboard his back and fly.

Hiccup used an amazing amount of wisdom.  He seemed to always know the right things to do in order to win the trust of the dragon.  I couldn't help but think that if we all applied the same principles to our relationships, how much better would they be?

I firmly believe that we can apply Hiccup's strategies to our marriages and reap amazing results.  Something I learned from Hiccup is:
 
Be Persistent!

Any great achievement is going to come at a cost.  Success doesn't just come knocking on your door.  Opportunity knocks, but Success you have to work for.  It does not come easily, which is why we must develop an attitude of persistence.

In order to be persistent, we must be convinced in our core that the prize is worth the cost.  Hiccup instinctively knew that it would be worth every amount of inconvenience and effort to assist the downed dragon.  Did he begin the relationship with Toothless thinking that he would one day ride and subdue him?  I don't think so.

Hiccup simply wanted to take responsibility for the damage he had done to the tail of the animal.  In order to help Toothless, he had to win his trust.  Hiccup was willing to do "whatever it takes" to win the dragon's trust.

Have you broken your dragon's trust?  Unless you are reading this on your honeymoon, I'm guessing you have.  Are you willing to do whatever it takes to win back that trust?  It may take time.  It may take lots of time.  But will be worth it.  Marriages fail because one or both partners give up too soon.

If you remain persistent long enough, eventually your dragon will come around.  The trick is to simply, "Never, never, never give up." - Winston Churchill.

Readers, thank you so much for visiting my blog.  I am praying that the truths you find here and apply to your lives will be a great help to you.  Most of all I pray that you will find that Jesus is enough to meet all your needs.  Don't give up, dear ones.

Love,

Darilyn

How to Train Your Dragon Part 7

If this movie is not really about a boy training a dragon but instead about someone learning to love their spouse, then this is something else I learned:

Adjust Your Behaviour!

In the movie, we saw this over and over again.  As Hiccup learned something new about Toothless he would adjust his behavior in order to present a consistent message of care, love, and acceptance.

When he brought Toothless a huge basket of fish and various fish-type items, he discovered Toothless found the eel particularly distasteful.

He did not:

• make excuses for why he brought the eel
• question why Toothless didn't like eel
• blame the dragon for not liking eel when "everybody else likes it" 
• criticize Toothless for being picky, or 
• accuse the dragon of being ungrateful.

Hiccup simply took the eel out of the way.  That's it.  Just take the eel away.  And don't bring any again.

Do you know what your eel is?  If you don't, ask God to reveal it to you.  He is faithful to answer those types of prayers.  He wants you to adjust your behaviour to bring Him glory.  Good, godly marriages bring Him glory.

Have you been bringing your dragon an eel for supper?  Stop.  It just isn't seen as a gift, even if you perhaps intended it to be one.  It is nothing personal.  Your dragon just doesn't like eel.

*****

Hiccup continuously made adjustments with regard to the the tail contraption he built for Toothless.

He made many revisions to its design in order to get it just right.  Then he made many attempts at controlling the artificial appendage in tandem and cooperation with Toothless -- even while in mid-flight.

That is a perfect picture of how marriage works:  you try, and then you try again.  You make mistakes, then you make revisions and try again.  You work with the limitations and strengths of your partner.  You make adjustments, accommodations, and more revisions to improve what is working, but could work better.

Hiccup could never fly without Toothless, and Toothless would never fly again if it were not for Hiccup.
If we want to get our marriages off the ground, we have to realize:

1. We cannot do it without our partner.
2. We will have to make adjustments to compensate for our partners' weaknesses.
3. It will be worth it.

Readers, I know you can do it.  With God's help we can "soar on eagles wings because we trust in Him."  I am praying for you.

Love,

Darilyn

How to Train Your Dragon Part 6

If this movie is not about a boy and his dragon, but instead contains the secrets necessary for a happy marriage, then something I learned is:

6.  Swallow the fish!

There is a moment in the film when Hiccup brings a fish for Toothless to eat.  The dragon eats it, and then -- coughs half of it back up to share with Hiccup.

Hiccup is obviously not that fond of raw fish covered in dragon slobber, but realizing the regurgitated fish is a symbol of friendship that has been extended by Toothless, he takes a bite.

Then Toothless waits expectantly for hiccup to swallow it:

It is a pivotal moment.  Will Hiccup sacrificially swallow the fish in order to receive the gesture of friendship?  Or will he choose instead to cater to his own tastes and refuse Toothless' bid for friendship?

These types of moments happen all the time in relationships and especially in marriage.  We have to learn to both recognize and receive gestures of love -- even if they are not something we would have chosen for ourself.

Once when my son was about 10 years old, and a die-hard Skittles fan, I was standing at the kitchen sink doing dishes.  He came over and offered me a sticky handful of Skittles.  Partly because my hands were immersed in dishwater, and partly because I'm more of a chocolate fan, and partly because one can never be entirely sure where those Skittles have been... I said, "Oh, no thanks, honey.  I don't want any Skittles right now."

He went over to the kitchen table and sat down quietly.  And then he started to talk.  "Mom, you know how you give us things sometimes and then you say, 'Wow, is that ever a nice shirt, someone must really love you'?"

"Yes," I said and waited for him to continue.

"Well," he said as he came back over to the sink, "do you want a skittle?"

Suddenly the light went on inside my thick head and I realized that the sweat and fuzz-covered skittle was really a symbol of my son's love for me.  There he was holding out his precious little sticky hand, palm up, offering me his love.

"Oh, yes!" I exclaimed, "I would love a Skittle!"  I took the candy and I scooped up my son in my arms and I held him tight and told him I loved him more than anything!  He gave me more than candy that day.  He gave me one of the best memories of my life.  A memory of love.  And I am so glad that I received his gesture of love.  Thank God, he gave me a second chance to do so.

When you become acquainted with someone from another culture, you have to learn some of their customs to appreciate what they are communicating.  When I was in France, I learned that to toast without making eye contact with each and every glass-clink would be considered rude.  When I was in Mexico, I learned that dinner took place at around 10 o'clock at night, any sooner would be too early.  When I taught in a small town on the prairie, I learned that to dance with another woman's husband is the worst social faux-pas.  So, we adjust our actions to assimilate into the friendship.  We go out of our way to make one another comfortable.

In our marriage we are definitely getting to know someone from another culture.  Even if we married the boy next door, they are from a different family than us and so they come from a different culture.  We have to get to know their customs, their gestures.  And sometimes we have to choose to swallow the fish.

Readers, I am praying for you to succeed in your marriage, and all your relationships.  Jesus loves you, and so do I.

Love, Darilyn

How to Train Your Dragon Part 5

If this movie is NOT about a boy and his dragon, and instead is a marriage instructional (and the more I apply what I learned, the more convinced I am that it is) then something else I learned is:

Be Humble!

On dictionary.com humility is defined as, "the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc."  The synonyms listed include: lowliness, meekness, and submissiveness.  The antonym or opposite is pride. 

God hates pride, which should be reason enough to be humble.  But the fact that humility can save or radically improve your marriage should also inspire you to read on.

*****

In the movie, the vikings had a manual that held everything they knew about dragons. But, what Hiccup discovered is, "Everything we know is wrong."

Ladies, if you have been reading Cosmo magazine and expecting it to contain information to help you in understanding your boyfriends or husband, maybe you should consider the possibility that, "Everything (you) know is wrong."

Guys, the same thing applies to you if you have been getting information from your buddies about how to understand your girlfriend, your wife, or your daughter.  You know the best source of information about your wife?  Your wife!

Ladies, the only one who can answer questions about your husband with any degree of accuracy is your husband.  Not a magazine, not your mother, and not your friends.

Pride is assuming you know it all.  You don't.   If you assume you know nothing, you are on the right track!  If you assume you have everything to learn you have taken a correct position.  The assumption that you know nothing will enable you to become a student of your dragon.

Study your dragon.  Watch them, closely.  What makes their face light up?  What makes them worry?  What makes them feel protected, respected, valued, honoured, and loved?  Do those things.  Do them often.

The formula for a successful marriage can be very simple:  Loving = Learning + Doing

Learning what your spouse needs takes humility and doing for your spouse takes even more.  So, be humble.

I am praying for you, readers.  Please let me know if this is helping you.  :)

Love Darilyn

How to Train Your Dragon Part 4

If this movie depicts NOT a relationship between a boy and a dragon, but instead reveals the formula for a successful marriage, then something I learned from it is:

Be patient!

Hiccup is the one who wants to move the relationship with Toothless forward.  He is the one that each one of us needs to identify with.  I am writing this for you -- the reader -- whether you are the husband OR the wife, you need to be the Hiccup in your relationship.

You can apply the principles that we learn from Hiccup and you can make a difference in your marriage.  Trust me.  I've been applying these lessons to my own marriage, and they have made a huge difference.

When Hiccup wants to touch Toothless, the dragon doesn't let him, at first.  But Hiccup is very patient.  First he just allows Toothless time to become accustomed to his presence.  He allows the dragon all the time he needs to feel comfortable with his nearness.  He just sits nearby.  Patiently.

Sometimes, the simplest things are what is needed.  My husband really appreciates it if I just sit with him while he is watching TV.  He loves having me beside him for a drive, and especially at church.  As for me, I like conversation -- the more involved the better.  But sometimes what is needed is the shoulder-to-shoulder togetherness that he craves so that the conversation that I need can happen.

I need to take a lesson from Hiccup -- don't force it.  Give it time.  Wait until my dragon is ready to talk.  I am ready to talk, always.  But I need to be patient.  I need to let my dragon take the time he needs to open up.  

Giving your dragon the time and space that he needs is a form of respect.  Respect is man-speak for the most highly valued love-commodity.  Women also need to be respected and allowing them the time and space they need is important too.  Gentlemen, you know what you are usually in a hurry for -- give her the time she needs to warm up to you.  Trust me.  It will pay off!  ;)

Finally Hiccup reaches out towards Toothless, then averts his eyes and bows his head and waits.  His patience pays off when the dragon leans in towards Hiccups extended hand.  The scene reminds me of Hitch's first kiss advice: "Lean in 90% of the way and then wait -- let her come to you."

We all can take a lesson from Hiccup -- Be Patient!

I am praying for you.

Love,

Darilyn

How to Train Your Dragon Part 3

If this movie is not about a boy and a dragon, but is instead about a husband and wife (or a wife and a husband) then here is what I learned:

3. Set your Dragon Free:

As I watched Hiccup's feelings change from fear to triumph then from compassion to remorse, and witnessed him cutting the ropes that bound the dragon, I couldn't help but wonder what ropes are holding my dragon captive?

When Hiccup first saw the might Night Fury tangled up in the ropes that were launched from his contraption, he was in awe of what his own actions had wrought.  "I did this," he murmured in a tone of shock and reverence.

I wonder if there have been things I've said or done that have brought my dragon down, helpless and wounded.  I don't have to wonder.  I know my words have gone out like that rope-net that snatched the Night Fury out of the sky.  And I know that perhaps some of them still hold my dragon captive.

Like Hiccup, I recognize the damage my actions have caused, and I am remorseful.  I want to set my dragon free.  And so it is up to me to cut those ropes: to apologize, to reverse my actions, to make right whatever I have made wrong in the first place.

Unfortunately, after Hiccup cut the ropes, the dragon still couldn't get away.  Not completely.  Its tail had been damaged in the fall, and it could not fly out of the pit it had found itself in.

Is your dragon stuck in a pit?  It could be a pit of depression, a financial pit, a pit of shame, a habit, or even a dead end job.  What can you do to help your dragon up out of their pit?  How can you work together to set and achieve goals that will take you both to a greater height?

You want your dragon to be free because of the marriage -- 

not feeling desperate to be free from the marriage.

For a long time I wanted to return to higher education to pursue a Master's Degree.  Unfortunately, I just could not make that happen for one reason or another for many years.  Now, because of my marriage, I am able to work on my degree.  I am earning a Masters of Arts in Communication from Spring Arbor University.  The pit I was stuck in was one of disappointment, and regret because I never had the chance to really apply myself towards higher learning.  Now I can.  With my husband's help.

Oneness is God's goal for marriage.  Can you and your dragon fly as one?  Before Hiccup and Toothless could fly as one, it took many attempts and adjustments to the artificial tail fin that Hiccup made for Toothless.  They both had lots of learning to do, and trust to build together.

What heights could you soar to with your dragon?  What can you do to help your dragon reach their potential?  What can you do for your dragon to help them overcome their deficiencies?

Readers -- thanks for reading.  If you find this at all helpful, please let me know.  I am praying for you and for your marriages.  I love you and Jesus loves you even more!  May God richly bless you this New Year!

Love Darilyn

How to Train Your Dragon Part 2

If this movie is not about a boy and a dragon, but is instead about a husband and wife (or a wife and a husband) then here is what I learned:

2.  Do not Defend

When Toothless is bound and injured and Hiccup is standing over him with his blade bared and poised to strike, the mighty dragon does not fight.  He simply lays his head down and waits.  Similarly, once Toothless is free from the ropes he was tangled in, Hiccup does nothing to defend himself from the dragon's impending attack.

Dropping your defences is the second step towards building, or repairing, trust in a relationship.

In a marriage, defensiveness can take on many forms: denying, shifting blame, making excuses, going on the offense, changing the topic, and even launching a new attack.  Defensiveness is identified as one of Dr. John Gottmann's four horsemen of the apocalypse along with criticism, contempt and stonewalling in his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.  Dr. Henry Cloud in his book, Nine Things You Simply Must Do to Succeed in Life and Love, calls defensiveness the mark of a fool.  So if being defensive is so destructive, why do people still defend themselves in a relationship?

I think folks defend themselves because they are trying to protect their image, or prevent their signifiant other from discovering underlying insecurities.  They are afraid that if someone found out the truth (they made a mistake, forgot something, had an error in judgement, etc) that they will no longer be accepted or perhaps even loved.  So they defend.  Ironically, it is the defensiveness that kills relationships, not the mistakes, forgetfulness, or miscalculations.  It is defensiveness that reveals deep insecurities.

It takes a huge amount of courage to drop your defences.  It means you are willing to face what-may-come.  It means that you are not only willing to face it, you are willing to face up to it, in other words, you are prepared to take responsibility for the situation along with all the fallout associated with it.  In my opinion, it takes a very big person to stop defending and start digging into the real work of maintaining and repairing a relationship.

Are you willing to drop your defences the next time your spouse bring you a concern?  Am I?

Lord, I pray that my readers will look to you for the courage it takes to drop their defences and face into whatever problem needs solving in their relationships.  I pray they will take that moment when they feel their defences rising to ask you for the willingness and the ability to resist the urge to defend (deflect, deny, blame, make excuses, change the topic, or attack).  I pray that you will help them listen with a willingness and determination to solve the given problem.  Amen.

Readers, thank you so much for visiting!  If you have found this blog helpful, interesting or encouraging, let me know, and share it with your friends!

May God richly bless you in your relationships,

Love Darilyn

How to Train Your Dragon Part 1

How to Train Your Dragon is an inspiring, exhilarating tale about a young man who seeks to understand his enemy.  In understanding, he grows in maturity, wisdom, courage, and eventually frees not only his own people from their ignorance but also the dragons from their oppression.  It is a feel-good movie in every way.  Yet, unlike other happily-ever-afters, this one has a dose of reality in it.


There are a myriad of themes to explore here including racism, prejudice, the value of communication, loyalty, fitting in, true courage, and many others.  But the first thought that captured my imagination is that this movie may just be the best visual aid to accompany Dr. Laura's book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands."  Or, in truth, could represent William Shakespeare's, "The Taming of the Shrew."

If you haven't seen this movie yet, you should.  

• Firstly because if you haven't seen it yet, I may spoil it for you.  
• Secondly, because you will enjoy this blog a lot more once you've seen it.
• Lastly because it is just that good.  

If you have been following my blog for any length of time, you will know that I have never yet done this:

Yet, there it is.  It is worth owning, and I have no hesitations about recommending it.  Now, where was I.  Oh, yes, The Taming of the Shrew...  If this movie is not about a boy and a dragon, but is instead about a husband and wife (or a wife and a husband) then here is what I learned:

1.  Do not kill.

When Hiccup discovers the Night Fury that he has shot down, he stands over the bound and helpless dragon and raises his dagger to kill.  The dragon looks at him and then closes its eyes, and lays its head down as if to accept its fate.  But Hiccup doesn't kill the dragon.  He decides to free it.

As soon as the dragon is free, it jumps to its feet, bears down on Hiccup, and belts out a ferocious roar close enough to blow the hair back off of Hiccups' face.  Hiccup braces himself for the worst -- death.  But the death blow doesn't come.  The dragon scampers off.

So the first lesson is Do not kill.  But since not many of us stand over our spouses with a knife poised to strike, let's break this down a bit.  We may not be using a knife to slice and dice our husbands, but are we using our words?

"The tongue has the power of life and death,"

Proverbs 18:21

So, wives and husbands I implore you -- the next time you have a cutting remark on the tip of your tongue, bite down on it.  Resist the urge to strike.  Picture your spouse as the one who is bound and injured, and helpless.  You know you have the power to bring destruction with what you might say.  But don't.  

Readers, thank you for reading.  I pray this blog is and will be a blessing to you as you seek a closer walk with Jesus and with your spouse.  May God richly bless you.  I love you and thank God for you.

Love, Darilyn