Have you ever invited someone you really don't respect or admire for dinner just because they were related to you? Perhaps you felt obligated to invite someone for dinner just because they had previously invited you? Do you laugh at your boss's jokes just because he is your boss? Have you maintained a relationship with someone just because it is convenient? Or just because it is expected?
I know I have. I never feel good about it, but sometimes I have felt like I have to connect with someone; not because I want to, but because it is required of me. A typical example of this might be attending a bridal shower for my neighbour's sister's son's fiance, even though I've never met her. More likely it would be attending a Christmas party because it is being thrown by a colleague, and everyone is expected to be there. The feeling is about as warm and fuzzy as an ex-convict feels about connecting with his parole officer.
We've probably all been in situations where we have had to "keep our chin up" and do what has to be done because it has to be done. I'm not saying it is wrong to do the right thing because it is the right thing to do. I am just feeling regret that our feelings are often less than genuine.
In an ideal world, we would experience genuine delight every time we run into our neighbour (who has all day to talk, and talk, and talk when we need to get to work). We would be excited to see Aunt Olga at Christmas time (the one with a moustache who complains loudly about her raging hemorrhoids throughout the holiday feast). But it isn't an ideal world.
I know, as a teacher, that there is a percentage of kids who just tune me out. They have to be there, and that's fine. I teach the best material I can find, and do my best to make it even better. I deliver the material in the best way I know how. I hope and pray that they enjoy my classes. But inevitably, some tolerate my classes just because they need that credit. This I can handle.
But lately, I feel that someone close to me is just tolerating my presence. It really hurts to feel that I am not appreciated or valued. I am certainly not the kind of person who would 'require' someone to be with me out of obligation. When I inquired of this person on this issue, I was not given any kind of assurance. It left me feeling really upset. I want to be wanted. I wondered, "Aren't I worth it?"
So, as is my custom, I talked it over with the Lord. And I realized that the way I feel in this relationship is the way the Lord feels about me. He wants me to want Him. He wants me to appreciate Him and value Him. He wants me to delight myself in Him. He wants me to want to be with Him. The last thing He wants is for me to "do devotions" out of obligation, or because I feel it is required of me. The difference is that He wants me to want Him, NOT because He is insecure and needy (like me), but because He knows I need to need Him.
I bet there are a lot of "Christians" who go to church just because it is Sunday, and not because they want to. I think far too many Christians do the right thing just because we are supposed to, rather than out of love for the Lord. I know that used to be me. I did devotions as a way of "paying my dues." How sad. I can see clearly now how unsatisfying that would have been for Him. And it was certainly a futile exercise for me. But that was before I discovered how much Jesus loves me. His love changed everything.
Now I want to be with Him, just because He is my source of joy. Just because He totally understands me, edifies me, values me, treasures me, and wants me. I want to know Him more and more! He is so much more than "all that" and a bag of chips! He is my everything and I am desperate for Him. Just because He is Who He is.
He thinks I am worth it. He was willing to walk that Calvary Road, be whipped and scorned and hung on a cross to die, just because He thought I was worth it. And if thinks I am worth it, then I have to agree with Him. After all, He is God! And if He thinks I am worth it, and if He wants me and delights in me, and if He loves me ... really, what else matters?
Readers, do you love Him? Do you know Him? Do you want Him, just because He is? I pray you do, I pray you will.
Love, Darilyn
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