Pretty Woman -- A Man Who Looks Beneath the Mask

My heart actually aches when I watch the opening scenes of this film. I can’t stand to think that the streets of our great country are filled with young women like Vivian, trying to make their own way in the world, being treated like human garbage, and all the while, they are trying to pretend that it doesn’t destroy them from the inside out.

Vivian is a real person just like you or me. We witness her warning her friend off drugs, trying to take responsibility for their financial situation, and saying, “Don’t you want to get out of here?” We know she is not resigned to this as her ultimate fate. She refuses to work for a pimp, maintains what control she can in a situation that is clearly unacceptable to her, and tries to keep herself, and her roommate, as safe as possible.

So, once she is in the company of Edward, it is almost painful to watch her contrive an act to appear happy about being what she is. We can see that she hates herself for it. We can almost feel her inward shame. Who would blame Edward if he didn’t accept her? She obviously doesn’t accept herself, and we can see that he is far above her in every way.

When Edward first meets Vivian, he doesn’t know her well at all. He tries to become more acquainted, but she puts up barriers so he doesn’t get too personal. It is a wonder he gets to know her at all, since she goes out of her way to pretend to be what she thinks he wants her to be. She is overly obvious in her demeanor and language as if to demonstrate to him that she is nothing but a hooker through and through. She is trying too hard to convince him – or maybe herself – that their imminent encounter means nothing at all to her but cold hard cash. We know this is not so.

I think part of the reason this movie has become such a classic is that there is a little of Vivian in all of us. I don’t mean there is a prostitute in all of us, but haven’t we all stretched ourselves into a pretzel to meet someone else’s expectations? Haven’t we been pressured to be the perfect girlfriend, the perfect daughter-in-law, or the perfect employee? We all share the need for approval, acceptance and belonging. In Vivian’s case, probably out of a feeling of worthlessness and desperation, she pretends to be the perfect “date”. She soon finds out, with Edward, she doesn’t need to pretend. He accepts her – the real her – for who she really is.

Edward effectively cuts through her façade. He learns her real name, and encourages her to relax and be herself. He won’t let her get away with hiding anything from him, not even dental floss! When he sees her short blond hair was really a wig, he appreciates Vivian’s long unruly auburn hair all the more. And by the time he catches her submerged in a bubble bath caterwauling away, all pretenses are gone.

In spite of their obvious differences, perhaps even because of them, he wants her to stay. He accepts Vivian, just as she is.

Readers: Have you ever bent yourself into a pretzel trying to be someone you're not? If so, for who, why, and when?

Pretty Woman -- Introduction

Every woman dreams of being swept off her feet by a knight-in-shining-armor just like Vivian was in “Pretty Woman.”

Well . . . maybe not exactly like that, because Vivian was a street prostitute when she met her unlikely match. Edward, an extremely wealthy and powerful man, reluctantly picks Vivian up simply because he is lost, and desperately needs directions.

This film starring Richard Gere and Julia Roberts came under a great deal of criticism when it was released not only because it contains some pretty steamy moments, but also because the leading lady starts out as a prostitute.

Almost 20 years later, it is still causing controversy – at least for me. I have been taken to task for using an R-rated movie. The fact is many people are watching movies like this one, evidenced by the fact that it has grossed over $464 million dollars. If popular culture can be used to illustrate the character of Jesus to those who might otherwise not know Him at all, then I will do it.

Jesus himself became the Friend of prostitutes, murderers, adulterers, tax collectors and all manner of sinners. He even became my Friend. So I’m pretty sure that He would want people who (gasp!) watch R-rated movies to know Him too.

Paul agreed with my stand on this issue. He described his ministry as follows:
“I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some.” 1 Corinthians 9:22

Jesus is all about saving people. Sinful people. Even prostitutes: remember Rahab? How about Mary Magdalene? The sex trade is no laughing matter. Sin, exploitation and oppression never are. That is exactly why we need Jesus. So we can start over and be made into the image of Christ. No matter where we come from. No matter where we are now.

Even though Vivian comes from a shameful beginning, that soon fades into the background as she is transformed and the story takes shape. Vivian’s climb out of hopelessness and despair into the lap of luxury inspires us all that the American dream is alive and well. And most of all, this film stands as a testimony that it is never too late to turn your life around.

There are moments that make us laugh out loud, like when we see Vivian loudly and proudly singing way-off key while immersed in bubbles in the hotel’s Jacuzzi. There are moments that take our breath away, like when we see her, glorious, in the long red gown with her hair in an elegant up-do. And by the time the icon-moment of the film arrives, when Edward snaps shut a jewelry box as Vivian reaches into it, most of us would jump at the chance to trade places with her.

I’m sure many of us have dreamed of spending a day buying everything we want with someone else’s credit card. I think we all want to be pampered and spoiled a little, or maybe a lot. We, too, want to feel special, to be protected, and to command respect. And I know that every one of us longs to be looked at the way Edward looked at Vivian in that moment.

Not surprisingly Edward, the prince of this ‘modern-day,’ My-Fair-Lady style, fairy-tale, does several things that remind me of Jesus:

• He accepts Vivian
• He purchases her,
• He transforms her.

Readers: Have you ever dreamed about being spoiled, pampered, or transformed? Has it ever happened for you? Share it with us, if you would like...

What Women Want -- A Man Who Stands at the Door and Knocks!

A small, but perhaps significant, detail that I can’t resist adding is that while Nick literally stood at the bathroom door and knocked, Jesus does the same for us,
“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock.” Revelation 3:20

But more importantly, Nick did not judge or condemn his daughter. Neither does Jesus judge or condemn us. He has a far different agenda than that! He said so himself:
“For I did not come to judge the world, but to save it.” John 12:47

Jesus did not condemn Saul, even when he was steeped in sin, on the road to Damascus. He does not condemn us either!
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1

The fear of judgment or condemnation may be what keeps someone from coming into relationship with Jesus, but the truth is He accepts you just as you are.

Alex was afraid to tell her dad what was really going on for fear that he would “freak out”. She thought that maybe he would punish her for agreeing to her boyfriend’s plan in the first place.
Could that be a picture of us? We get ourselves into a big mess, maybe one so big that we know there is no way out. Or somehow, we just come to the end of ourselves. Finally, when we realize that we are at a place where we no longer have anything to lose, we cry out for help. We might as well. Just as Nick already knew what Alex’s plans had been, Jesus already knows your every hope, dream, and fear.

He knows your past achievements, your desires for the future, as well as your darkest shame and your deepest secret.
“The LORD knows the thoughts of man.” Psalm 94:11

Yet, we need not fear condemnation, judgment, or punishment. Because He already knows what’s on your mind, and He is ready to accept you just as you are. You really have nothing to lose.

Something else Nick does in this scene reminds me of Jesus. He affirms Alex’s intrinsic value. He honors her. He tells her that she did the right thing, “Oh honey, I am so proud of you!” Our heavenly Father also thinks very highly of us.
“ . . .you are precious and honored in my sight, . . . I love you.” Isaiah 43:4

Nick also convinces Alex to come out of her stall, and when she finally does, he says, “Look at you – Honey, you look beautiful.” Even though her hair is disheveled, and her make-up is streaked from the tears, he means it. Just as Jesus means it when He says you are valuable and beautiful to Him.
“The King is enthralled by your beauty.” Psalm 45:11

Maybe, like me, you are thinking, “How can this be?” Jesus loves you so much He looks right past the wrinkles and blemishes. He looks past the mistakes and the failures. He looks past the sin and the shame. He sees you as his Bride – fresh, clean, and radiant.
“without stain, or wrinkle, or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Ephesians 5:27

Even as I write this, it is a truth that I have yet to fully absorb. My prayer for you, and for myself, is that we can fully internalize this very important truth. When we receive His offer of reconciliation and accept all that He has done for us, He sees us as if we had never sinned. He sees us as if we were never abused, or victimized, or hurt, or abandoned. He sees us clothed in dignity and strength, in purity and in victory. He sees us completely free from pain, regret, failure, doubt, and shame. And He never gives up on us until that is what we truly are!

Readers: My prayer for you, and for myself today, is that we would see ourselves as Jesus sees us. :)

What Women Want -- A Man Who Initiates Reconciliation

This is the last blog entry about the qualities that Mel Gibson's character, Nick Marshall, shares with Jesus.

Nick initiates reconciliation with his somewhat hostile, 15-year-old daughter Alex. Their relationship had already been strained, to say the least. He had been divorced from his wife and absent from his daughter’s life. Having been self-absorbed, he was completely out of touch with what was important to her. Once he had begun to hear her thoughts, however, he started to make changes in the way he conducted himself in his relationship with her. She had started to trust him, likely for the first time.

Because he had overheard her thoughts; he was aware that she was planning to surrender her virginity to her 18-year-old boyfriend after his prom.

On the night of the prom, after interceding to get Darcy her job back and intervening to save Erin from self-destruction, Nick gets a call from Alex, who is obviously in tears. Nick immediately rushes to find her. He finds her locked in a bathroom stall at the Prom venue. He sits down in the stall next to hers and listens as she cries her eyes out.

She confesses the whole story about planning to sleep with her boyfriend. But, much to Nick’s relief, she indicates that she had changed her mind about her earlier decision to compromise her purity. The tears, he learns, are because her boyfriend dumped her.

Nick’s reaction to Alex is an accurate picture of how Jesus reacts to us when we turn to Him. He doesn’t judge or condemn her, or say, ‘I told you so’. He praises her for what she did right. Nick chooses to focus on the positive and overlook her earlier lapse in judgment. He re-affirms her worth, and spends as much time as it takes to comfort her, encourage her, and finally to draw her into his embrace.

As we watch this scene we know it is only right that Nick initiate reconciliation with his daughter. After all, he had been an absent father, he had been emotionally detached, and he had been self-absorbed. He was the one who had damaged the relationship; he is the adult. It is right that he is the one to reach across the chasm and to win her over into a right relationship with him.

Conversely, if we are not in a right relationship with our Heavenly Father, it is not because He has been absent, emotionally detached or self-absorbed.

It is because we have been.

And yet, this incredible paradox exists – that He who has done no wrong seeks to make things right with us. Jesus is the one who initiates reconciliation with us.

Reader: Have you received Jesus' offer of reconciliation? Would you like to? Let me know...

I am praying for you.

What Women Want -- A Man Who Can Deal With Crisis Part II

4. Just as Nick suddenly had an opening on his team, Jesus has always had an opening on His team for you. He is in the process of building his church, and He has many positions to fill.

The church is often referred to as “the body” of Christ, because there are many parts that all work together, all taking direction from the head that is Jesus. If you truly desire to be on Team Jesus, to become part of the body, you will discover gifts and talents that uniquely qualify you to do something specific. Maybe your local church needs people who are willing to work with children. Maybe the church office needs someone willing to do filing or stuffing of envelopes. Maybe the Lord wants you to host a Bible study in your home.

Many people shrink away from the idea of serving the Lord because they fear that if they “report for duty” He will immediately send them off to Africa or India to live in a hut and eat raw insects while preaching the gospel in scorching 100+ degree temperatures. But this is simply not true. He made you and He wants you. He loves you and He will not expect you to perform tasks that are hateful to you. On the contrary, the job He has in mind for you will light you up like a Christmas tree!

5. Nick says that Erin’s name just ‘popped up.’ Conversely, there is nothing random in the way that your name comes up for consideration in Christ’s plans for you. He has specifically chosen you. Your name doesn’t just haphazardly ‘pop up.’ He has had you in mind since before the foundations of the world were laid. He created you, and He loves you. He has seen your contribution to his kingdom all along. His word clearly states:

“For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10

He really does have a job opening, and it really is specifically for you! You were created with a set of talents, interests and abilities precisely fitted for the job that has your name on it. When you find what you are called to be doing on Jesus’ team, you will find that it fits you exactly. You were created for the job, and the job was created for you. Isn’t that amazing?

(Personally, I also find it rather reassuring because I’m quite the city girl, and do not want to find myself in a hut in Africa, or in an igloo in Nanavut. In fact, here I am blogging and I'm loving it!)

6. It is quite remarkable that Nick uses the words, “I remembered you.” Those are words that come up quite often in scripture. Interestingly, it is usually right before God does something miraculous!

There are three examples in Genesis.

• God remembered Noah, and then the flood waters receded.
Genesis 8:1, “But God remembered Noah and all the wild animals and the livestock that were with him in the ark, and he sent a wind over the earth, and the waters receded.”

• God remembered Abraham, and spared his nephew Lot from certain death in Sodom.
Genesis 19:29, “So when God destroyed the cities of the plain, he remembered Abraham, and he brought Lot out of the catastrophe that overthrew the cities where Lot had lived.”

• God remembered Rachel, who desperately wanted a child. She, shortly afterwards, was able to conceive.
Genesis 30:22, “Then God remembered Rachel; he listened to her and opened her womb.”

God remembered these people – He thought of them, and acted on their behalf. He remembers you, too. His eyes are always on you, and He always loves you with a love that is unfailing and beyond measure. Perhaps you feel that your circumstances or your previous choices somehow disqualify you from receiving His unfathomable love?

You are not alone – I have felt that way myself. I am so thankful that Jesus intervenes in the lives of imperfect, damaged people just like me.

Readers: Has anyone ever intervened for you? Would you tell me about it?

What Women Want -- A Man Who Can Deal With Crisis Part I

When Erin, the suicidal file clerk, asks Nick why he has suddenly shown up at her apartment, he is conflicted about how to answer her. He decides to opt for the truth and says, “I came to see if I could do something for you. The truth is . . . the truth . . . the truth is that I am glad I got here before you hurt yourself. . . . We have a job opening on our team. We were wondering who could be great enough to fill that void and suddenly your name popped up and I remembered that you once applied for a job as a copywriter.”

Talk about an awkward situation. Nick turned it around and dealt with Erin with such tact and diplomacy! Jesus dealt with people in a very similar way on several occasions. In fact, from this short dialogue there are six similarities:

• Jesus came to earth to do something for us.
• Jesus tells the truth. In fact, He is the Truth.
• Jesus confronts our self-destructive behavior.
• Jesus has an opening on His team.
• Jesus knows your name.
• Jesus remembers you, and your desires.

We will look at three of them today, and the other three in the next blog.

1. Erin thinks that Nick is there because he wants her to do something for him. But he says that he came to do something for her. Likewise, Jesus did not come to demand something from us; rather He came to do something for us.

Jesus came to earth from eternity in order to give us life, life to the full. He came so that all who believe in Him would have eternal life. He came to bring us peace and joy. He didn’t come because he needed something from us, just as Nick didn’t seek out Erin because he needed something from her, as she had wrongly assumed.

2. Nick decides to tell Erin the truth. He could have made up some story about why he was there, but he has learned that honesty is something women value. Jesus always opts for the Truth. It is His nature. He is the Truth.

Whenever Jesus wanted to emphasize a point He would say, “I tell you the truth”. In the gospel of Matthew he says it over 24 times. Why is this detail important? Because we need to know that Jesus is trustworthy. He tells the truth. We can trust what he says. If we can trust what He says, we know He is who He says He is. We know that we are forgiven, and we know that we can rest in the knowledge that He is the Authority who is worthy of our loyalty. Knowing Jesus is trustworthy can be a turning point in your spiritual life, just as Erin knowing Nick was worthy of her trust became an important turning point for her.

3. Nick did not cover up his knowledge about Erin’s secret plan to commit suicide. Jesus also confronts us if we are engaging in self-destructive behavior. Jesus knows our thoughts and plans and is motivated to correct us out of a heart of concern. We may not be intentionally plotting to harm ourselves in the same way Erin was, but if we are on a path to destruction, He will show us where we need to make changes.

Maybe we are in a hurtful relationship that causes us to compromise our safety, our dignity, or our security. Maybe we are making poor financial choices, like racking up high-interest credit card debts, or over-spending on luxury items. Maybe we have a habit that we need to overcome like gambling or a substance addition. Perhaps we have unforgiveness in our hearts that is turning us bitter from the inside out. Whatever it is, if it is hurting us, He has a way of letting us know.

How will Jesus communicate to us? He can use his written word, the Bible, to guide us. He can use other believers to advise us, or He can warn us with a nudging in our conscience. If you suddenly feel convicted about something – it is the Lord confronting you.

Readers: Have you ever had to confront someone? Been confronted? How did that experience compare to what happened between Nick and Erin?

What Women Want -- A Man Motivated by Love

Nick Marshall finally intervened in Erin's life because his conscience finally got the best of him. Jesus' motives are so much stronger and more pure. He wants to intervene because of his great love for you.

Here it is beautifully illustrated:

“In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction.” Isaiah 38:17

The words, ‘your’ and ‘you’ in this verse refers to God. The writer is saying that God was motivated by love to rescue him from the pit of destruction. It gets even more interesting if we investigate the meaning behind the word love used here. In English, we only have one word for love. Unfortunately, we use the same word to describe the way we feel about our Mom, our husband, and our favorite restaurant. In many other languages, this is not the case.

The word love used here, in the original Hebrew, is chashaq defined by Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance as: to cling, delight in, to deliver, to have a desire, to long for.
This word is interchangeable with chasak, which is defined as: to restrain or refrain, by implication to spare, or to preserve also to observe: hold back.

After meditating on that verse, and both these original definitions for love, you may, as I did, begin to see just how motivated Jesus is to intervene. God is eager to reach down and rescue someone who is in desperate need. He is prepared to go to any lengths to find us and draw us into the safety of his loving arms.

The kind of love described in this verse reminds me of an incident that occurred when my son was about 15 months old. He was round all over, nearly bursting out of his little life jacket, as he toddled around the pool side in the back yard. He was tottering around much too fast and much too close to the edge of the pool for my comfort. I was perched on the edge of my pool chair, watching him every second, and I kept warning him to slow down, and to keep his distance from the edge of the pool. Finally it happened. He got too close to the edge and as he teetered, time stood still for me as I realized he was going to fall in.

Without hesitation, I dove for the pool’s edge – my bare knees scraping on the rough concrete pool deck. I got there while he was still sinking deeper and deeper into the water. I plunged my arm into the water and reached for him. In that eternal moment, I saw the look of shock and terror on his face beneath the clear water – his big blue eyes open wide, his mouth twisted as if to scream. I grabbed hold of his life jacket and yanked hard. With adrenaline surging through my veins, I had the strength to pull him out in one fluid motion and set him on his feet on the pool deck beside me.

I hugged him tight and comforted him as he cried. It was only after he was happily, albeit more cautiously, back at play that I glanced down at my knees and noticed they were raw, and bleeding. Blood streamed steadily down both legs.

Chasak love is just like that. He reaches down without the slightest hesitation, without calculating the cost, and pulls us up out of whatever trouble we are in. Then He comforts us when we cry.

Yes, our Jesus intervenes to save us, even when we least deserve it.

Readers: Do you ever feel like you least deserve God's love? Perhaps you've messed up or made a big mistake? That is just when God's might arm is reaching down to grab you, dear one.

What Women Want -- A Man who will Intervene

Right after interceding for Darcy Nick leaves his boss’s office and discovers Erin, a file clerk, isn’t at work.

Nick had been aware Erin had been having suicidal thoughts when he first ran into her. Literally. He had nearly knocked her off her feet, and he heard her think, “Oh God, He nearly killed me . . . too bad he missed.” Later, he heard her think, “What if I just jumped through the window? Would they notice?”

His ability to hear her thoughts had given him the insight to know that she is suicidal, but he had done nothing about it. Finally, when he notices Erin is not at work, he decides he must intervene.

He finds her address and rushes across the city and enters her apartment fearing the worst. It turns out that she has not done anything to harm herself – yet.

I love that Jesus intervenes in the lives of the most unlikely people. In John 4:4-42, Jesus intervenes in the life of a woman who is discouraged, an outcast of her community.

As the story unfolds, we see that it begins at high noon, the hottest time of the day. This is not the usual time to be drawing water from the well, but this woman was coming to draw water from the well. Why? She likely would not go in the cool of the day to draw water like all the other women of the town because she was not accepted. It is not such a stretch of our imagination, since it is soon revealed that she has had five husbands, and the man she has now is not her husband. Perhaps the other villagers didn’t have her wearing a scarlet letter, but gossip can label a person just as distinctly. This woman did not fit in, and nobody let her forget it.
Jesus was there because He had a divine appointment with her. She had been penned into His cosmic daybook since before the beginning of time. He had a job opening that only she could fill. This Samaritan woman was just trying to avoid the cruelty of the other women in town, while Jesus was there because He wanted her on his team. So He intervened. He confronted her with the hard truth about her past, and then he offered her living water, eternal life. She accepted.

“Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people, ‘Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ?’” John 4:28-29

The world-changing results of her one-of-a-kind ministry are recorded as follows:

“Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, ‘He told me everything I ever did.’” John 4:39

Jesus intervened in the life of one woman, a Samaritan who was considered worthless by her own community and unworthy even by some of Jesus’ own disciples. But Jesus knew she was worth it, and so are you.

This gives me such hope, I hope it gives you encouragement too.

Another famous divine intervention took place on the road to Damascus.
Saul was a Pharisee who had been busy doing everything within his power to bring down Jesus’ followers. In fact, Saul was on his way to condemn Christians for their faith in Jesus.

He was an ambitious leader more than eager to wipe out the followers of this new religion. He was on his way to find – and put to death – any believers he could find in Damascus. Saul is described as;

“…breathing out murderous threats against the Lord’s disciples.” Acts 9:1

However, Jesus suddenly appeared on that dusty hot road for a serious face-to-face discussion with Saul. He confronted Saul with the truth about the evil he had been doing. The consequence? It was not what you would expect. Jesus didn’t strike Saul dead. He didn’t rain fire down on Him. He didn’t turn him into a pillar of salt. In fact, there was no condemnation at all. (check out Romans 8:1)

Instead, Saul was drafted onto Jesus’ team. It turns out there was an opening on Jesus’ team that only Saul could fill. Jesus explained Saul’s mission:

“This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their kings and before the people of Israel.” Acts 9:15

Saul went on to become known as Paul, one of the most influential followers of Christ who has ever lived. He is one of most well-known apostles, having written 13 of the 27 books that is now our New Testament.

Jesus intervened in the life of Saul, a murderer who was seeking to kill as many of Christ’s disciples as possible. He was willing to intervene for these very unlikely candidates and He is willing to intervene in your life as well.

In fact, God wants to intervene in your life. No matter what kind of mess we are in, and no matter if we made our own mess, or if someone else made the mess for us. He encourages us to call on Him exactly when we need Him most.

“Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.” Psalm 50:15

What Women Want -- A Man who Intercedes

The Funk & Wagnalls Standard Desk dictionary defines "intercede" as:
1. To plead or petition in behalf of another or others.
2. To come between parties in a dispute; mediate.

At first, Nick uses his mind-reading ability not only to get into bed with Lola, but also to sabotage the success of Darcy Maguire – the woman who got the job of Creative Director that he thought he deserved. Motivated by jealousy, he sets out to steal her ideas, make her look useless, and win her job for himself. Near the end of the film, after he has experienced a genuine heart-change, he learns that Darcy has been fired and the previously-coveted job is now his. However, because he realizes what a terrible betrayal he has committed, he determines to set things right by interceding for Darcy.

Darcy had given up on herself and had walked away without a fight, but Nick pleads with his boss to give Darcy her job back. He petitions on her behalf. He makes sure that her hard work is recognized, and that she is credited for the ideas that were originally hers. He risks his job to save her career and professional reputation. Meanwhile, she doesn’t even realize it.

In the same way, Jesus intercedes for us. We may not realize that we need Him to intercede for us, but we do.

Have you ever narrowly missed being involved in a car accident? Your safety can certainly be attributed to Jesus pleading for your protection.

It is hard to see when Jesus is interceding for you for the simple reason that He does it exactly when we are unaware of it. If we look back at the way certain events unfolded, we can sometimes see evidence that He has gone to bat for us behind the scenes.

Not long ago I was planning on attending a writer’s conference. I had asked for the time off work, and had planned out what flights I wanted to take. I had done everything but book the trip. Something was holding me back, and I didn’t know what it was or understand the hesitation in my soul. I surrendered the uncharacteristic indecisiveness of my heart to the Lord, and just let it go. I felt a peace about not going, even though I had really wanted to go. It seemed so unusual to be feeling confusion, longing, and peace all at once.

When the dates of the conference arrived, I was at home going about my usual business. It was then I experienced one of the worst kidney stone attacks I had ever had. I realized that if I had gone to the conference, I would have would have missed the entire thing. I probably would have spent the time in a hospital, and the time and expense I would have invested to be there would have been wasted. Looking back on that experience, I believe that the Lord prevented me from all that loss and inconvenience by keeping me home during that difficult time.

Thankfully, Jesus was my intercessor. He was praying for me when I could not pray for myself.

“We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.” Romans 8:26

Readers, have you ever wanted to pray, but didn’t know how or what to pray? That moment was exactly when Jesus was interceding for you. He knows what you need, and how to pray for your best in every situation. Whether it is a job, a trip, or something larger, we can count on Him to be there for us.

Jesus is the One who bridges the gap between us and God. Jesus sees all sides of every issue because He is both man and God. He is our Mediator. He goes to bat for us whenever we have a need, whether we realize it or not.

“but because Jesus lives forever, he has a permanent priesthood. Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.” Hebrews 7:24-25

Reader, has there ever been a time that you’ve felt like giving up on yourself? Jesus lives to intercede for you. Have you ever been under attack? Jesus lives to intercede for you. Have you ever been overwhelmed with self-doubt, hopelessness or despair? Jesus lives to intercede for you. Even if you can’t pray, just ask Him to intercede for you. He will.

Nick interceded for Darcy because he finally realized he loved her. Jesus has always loved us, since before the foundation of the world. His love is immeasurable, and beyond compare. You can trust that He is interceding for you when you need it most.

What Women Want

What do women really want? The title of this film, starring Mel Gibson as Nick Marshall, and Helen Hunt as Darcy Maguire, begs the question. While we laugh at the slapstick antics, enjoy the sharp-witted dialogue, and celebrate the metamorphosis in Nick’s character, we are on the edge of our seats waiting for the answer to this age old question.

Nick Marshall, the ultimate man’s man, is trying to gain a better understanding of women in order to improve his job performance as an advertising executive. The more he knows about women, the better his chances are for success. Therefore, he takes it upon himself to try out – and try on – various products that are designed for women. It is hilarious to see him scream like a girl as he pulls a wax strip off his leg. (Secretly, we would love it if every man would experience this kind of pain!) And as he jumps up and down in a vain effort to cram himself into a pair of control top pantyhose, we enjoy watching him struggle being so far out of his own element. We can’t help but smile at the women’s candid, uncensored thoughts and the razor-sharp one-liners peppered throughout the script.

Finally, this film offers the memorable choreography of Nick dancing solo, with a top hat, against a colorful backdrop of the city skyline at dusk. Then, through a mysterious event involving his hair dryer, spilt bath beads and a bathtub full of water, Nick inadvertently gains the uncanny ability to hear women’s thoughts.

The most obvious attribute Nick Marshall shares with Jesus is that he is able to hear our thoughts. This can either be comforting or disturbing. If you are in an Adam-and-Eve point in your life – you’ve just eaten the fruit and now you know you are naked and you feel the need to hide – then knowing that God hears your thoughts would be rather disturbing. I get that. I’ve been there.

However, if you have come to see God as a trusted friend and a welcome participant in every conversation you have, then knowing He hears your every silent prayer is pretty awesome. Most of us are probably somewhere between those two extremes. I pray that by the time we get to the end of this book we all can feel good about knowing that God hearing all of our silent hopes, dreams, fears and prayers.
Rather than focus on an obvious shared attribute, like Nick’s ability to hear women’s thoughts, we will take a look at the qualities he develops by the end of the film.

For much of the movie, Nick is an insensitive, selfish manipulator. I can’t bear to watch the way he uses his newly found gift to ingratiate himself with Marisa Tomei’s character, Lola. He proceeds to shamelessly take full advantage of her sexually, ultimately breaking her heart.

It is truly unfortunate that this kind of thing happens in real life. There are too many women who are lonely, needy, and all too willing to grasp at the smallest indication that someone might be “the one.” There are far too many men who make it their ambition to learn how to manipulate women into bed. I pray that the Surprising Truth will help you, dear reader, not be a Lola.

Thankfully, by the end of the film, Nick is changed. In fact, he becomes What Women Want. He ends up as a man who is self-sacrificing, honest, caring, loving, sensitive, expressive, and interested. It is a common theme in Chick Flicks – this idea of a man changing from a scoundrel into a “great guy”, and perhaps it is the change itself that inspires us.

It is the kind of man he ultimately becomes that captures my heart. The three Christ-like behaviors that Nick displays in a sequence near the end of the movie are:
• He intercedes
• He intervenes
• He initiates reconciliation

Readers:
Do ever wish you had someone to intervene for you when you are in trouble? Do you ever wish someone would be the one to initiate reconciliation? Tell me about when you feel that way...

The Hunt for a Perfect Man

Let’s face it. It is pretty hard to find a man who can measure up to our movie heroes. And it is not their fault. Our big-screen stars have a team of writers putting eloquent words in their mouths – of course they always say the right thing! They have a team of make-up artists, personal trainers, and entire wardrobe departments making them look good. Furthermore, whenever the going gets tough the director yells, “Cut!” and sends in a stunt double. No wonder, mortal men pale in comparison to these larger-than-life heroes.

Even though we know these characters are fictional, we really do yearn for our very own leading man to love us with the same kind of passionate, unconditional love we see on the screen. We long to hear his magic words of reassurance, and feel the certainty of his loyalty. We want to trust in the unwavering strength of his commitment to us. We so deeply need to know that our very own flesh-and-blood man can forgive us all our shortcomings – not because he doesn’t know about them – but, in spite of the fact that he does. With all our warts and wrinkles, he loves us anyways.

We want to be able to look up to our man, trusting him completely with our true self, our future and our children. We want him to be strong enough to save us from certain danger, but sensitive enough to listen to us in our hour of need. We want him to always be there for us, even when we can’t guarantee we’ll be there for him.
I have to admit that my expectations for a man are sort of . . . unrealistic.

That is the problem: No matter how wonderful our real-life man is, he will never, ever measure up to the big screen heroes. And the reality of that is kind of sad.
That was exactly the sadness I was experiencing after watching Titanic, I couldn’t stop crying because I realized that if I ever found a real-life husband, he would never, could never love me perfectly, the way I perceived Jack loved Rose.

But, thank God that I learned the Surprising Truth. Next post, I will begin sharing exactly what I learned about Jesus from the movie: What Women Want.

Readers:
How would you define 'What Women Want'?

Why Women Love Chick Flicks

Since we, as women, barely realize that an aching emptiness exists in our hearts, we certainly have no real idea how to satiate the secret longing of our souls. So do what we can to get by. We take our starving spirits to the theater for a quick-and-temporary-fix.

Is it any wonder we flock to the movie theaters for a mini-escape into a fantasy world? The hero is gorgeous, there are a few laughs along the way, and we are pretty much guaranteed that every thing turns out all right in the end.

Inside the theater, or in front of our own big-screens, we can get away from the never-ending demands that suck up our energy and leave us feeling lifeless. There we can admire, from a safe distance, a handsome man who has all the right moves and says all the right things. We are pretty much assured of a happy outcome; we know these movies are engineered to make us feel good, and they do. We don’t mind the corny lines, and the somewhat predictable formula of chick flicks. In fact, if we see a film that doesn’t deliver the feel-good ending, we feel ripped off. We feel cheated, like the director pulled a bait-and-switch.

Case in point: Gigli. I found the following comment posted on the web by Caitlin: “As far as the “big name” Hollywood films on the Worst Movies Ever slate, I do have to say that this festering pile of puke is the worst. BY FAR.”
Suffice it to say that a happy, satisfying ending was not delivered. The rest, as they say, is history.

We demand our happy endings. Chick Flicks give us that. Perhaps this is precisely the point: Life doesn’t offer any guarantees, but we know the movie will turn out all right!

And yet, much to my annoyance, there are those who would criticize our enthusiasm for these two-star flicks! Well, I, for one, will not repent. I refuse to feel embarrassed that these movies work like medicine to revive my tired soul, and neither should you. If you feel the same way I do, then Girlfriends, this blog is for you. And if you are still a little embarrassed that you have a chick-flick habit, then this blog is still for you, just minimize it quickly when someone pops by!

It is no wonder we love Chick Flicks so much! The yummiest guys play the lead roles, and really, who wouldn’t shell out for a ticket to spend time with Mel Gibson, Richard Gere, Tom Hanks or Hugh Jackman? We can almost always count on a joyful happily-ever-after. Laughter is said to be good for the soul, so it’s awesome that these films can make us truly laugh-out-loud, no matter how many times we see them.

But beyond all this, there is a deeper reason that we are so addicted to romantic-comedies. Apparently I’m not the only one. John Eldredge in his book The Epic suggests, “The movies you love are telling you something important, something about your heart . . .”

Chick Flicks, plain and simple, give us hope. We hope someday we will be the leading lady who is completely forgiven, loved, and protected. We hope someday our Prince will come, and we hope we will experience a real-life happy ending after all.
There is however, one small problem with getting lost in the fantasy world of Chick Flicks. It’s not real.

Eventually the credits roll, and the lights come up. And there we are. Back in the reality we just paid good money to escape from. The bills are still stacked up by the phone waiting to be paid, the dishes are still stacked up by the sink waiting to be washed and your to-do list is so long you could probably wallpaper your bedroom with it.

It may be that your child is having difficulty in school, or your parent is very sick, or maybe you’ve just lost your job, your marriage, or your best friend. These situations do not go away when you are gloriously immersed in a great love story. No matter how hard you laugh or how satisfying the ending is, reality has a way of bursting back into the forefront of your mind just as soon as the hero disappears into the sunset with the heroine in his buff, tanned arms.

Even if you are blessed with a job that you enjoy, and a healthy family – life is still not perfect. Your car occasionally breaks down, the kids fight over silly little things, and then there’s your man. The same guy who leaves his socks lying around, the same guy who puts his foot in his mouth at your mother’s, the same guy who always forgets to call when he’s going to be late. Yes, life is never quite the idyllic fantasy that we enjoy via the silver screen.

Readers:
What pressures in your life make you feel like you need to escape?

This Blog is for YOU, Girls!

I am writing this blog to share with you The Surprising Truth because it will soothe the souls of every young lady who has ever tried to cure her broken heart with the official break-up ice cream – Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey.

This blog will be a little escape for every girl who gets more than enough drama in real life, and would, therefore, rather have at least some of it taking place on the big screen, (or the little screen). It is for every woman who would probably prefer to watch a great chick flick about a first date than to actually go out on one. For all of us who crave love, romance, joy and acceptance this blog is my gift to you.

And this blog is for every female who is completely content with her life just the way it is, thank-you, and knows exactly who she is, but still has a secret longing for something more . . . This blog is for you.

Needing "something more" is something we barely acknowledge to ourselves, much less something we would admit to others. Heaven forbid we be seen as someone who has a Cinderella Complex. Acknowledging our unfulfilled longings is like admitting to some kind of weakness. To admit that we have unfulfilled desires and feel kind of empty gives us the same feeling we get when we dream that we show up somewhere naked. We’ve all had that dream – the overwhelming feeling of humiliation when we discover that we are exposed in a very public place – it is horrifying.

Today’s woman is expected to be strong, to do it all, AND be proud of it. I still remember the advertising jingle for a perfume I learned when I was a kid:
“I can bring home the bacon,
fry it up in a pan,
and never let you forget you’re a man,
‘cause I’m a woman!”

To admit to having an intangible secret desire is to express out loud what nobody wants to admit – that life as we know it, no matter how good it is – is kind of…pointless. Perhaps, deep down we think somehow this emptiness is our fault. That if we just do better, we’d feel better. That if we measured up, we wouldn’t feel this way. I have come to believe that this just isn’t true. Every woman who is honest with herself will admit to at least a vague sense that life is missing...something.

During the process of researching for this blog, I interviewed ladies aged from 14 to 87 years old, and what I have learned is that all of us have more in common than any of us would have ever expected. No matter how diverse we are in terms of age, culture, family situations, or career, we all share similar thoughts and desires. No matter what life experiences we have enjoyed (or endured) there are longings that are common to us all. No matter whether we are a person of high education and great wealth, or a person of humble occupation and limited means, inside each one of us beats a heart full of yet-to-be-fulfilled dreams.

The purpose of this blog is to unlock and explore the secret yearnings of every woman’s heart. I believe that every woman deeply desires to be loved, forgiven and accepted. I believe every female needs to be seen, heard, fully known, and understood. Every lady yearns to be protected, nurtured and desired. We want to be cherished, honored, esteemed, valued, fought for, pursued and won. And even once we are won, we still want to be sought after, appreciated, treasured, encouraged, pampered and...we want to feel beautiful!

That's not too much to ask, is it?

Unfortunately, women today are expected to do everything a man can do in the work place, and hold everything together at home. Women, whether married or single, are climbing the corporate ladder, starting and succeeding in business while raising children, and volunteering at church and in the community. We are a society in which more women than ever are single-handedly providing for their families. We live in a society where women are doing more than ever before, yet somehow feel like we have less than ever before.

We have less time to ourselves, less time to socialize, less time for our children, and less time to manage our households. We never seem to get the connectivity we crave with our man, our children or our extended families. It is as if someone has pressed the fast-forward button on our lives and won’t let go. We barely have time to acknowledge that we have secret longings in our heart, never mind explore the inner recesses of our soul to discover what exactly it is we may be missing.

Reader:
Have you ever felt overwhelmed by life's demands?
Do you ever feel like you are missing something?
Share your thoughts...

The Surprising Truth is This...

I realized the Surprising Truth is this: I DO have a "Jack" who loves me the way that Jack Dawson loved Rose on board the Titanic!

My Jack is alive today even though he was born over 2000 years ago. My Jack made a living as a humble carpenter even though his Father is the King of Kings. My Jack is both the most-loved and the most-hated Man who has ever lived.

He loves me unconditionally. He forgives me completely. He desires me deeply. He has given me an extreme makeover from the inside out. He never lies, never cheats, and will never leave me for forsake me. He will protect me and provide for me until my dying breath, and then He’ll take me home to the mansion he has built especially for me.

My Jack loves me so much He would die for me. In fact, He did.

You have a Jack that loves you like that too!

His birthday is celebrated at Christmas. Some say He is “the reason for the season.” Some say, “Wise men still seek Him.” I say, "Enough of the cliches, He is my Jesus, my Lord.”

I’m not talking about your Grandma’s legalistic Jesus, or your Aunt Thelma’s boring Jesus, or even the cartoon one you may have seen in Sunday school.

My Jesus is exciting, vibrant and alive! He has every heroic virtue you have ever seen on the silver screen. My heart’s desire is to help you get to know Him the way I have gotten to know Him. I will show you what He is really like by explaining all the attitudes, behaviors and characteristics he shares with the movie heroes you know and love best.

If you think that Nick Marshall in What Women Want is the most awesome man you can imagine, then you will love the qualities that he shares with Jesus. If you think that Edward Lewis from Pretty Woman is the man you’d love to love, then you will be so happy to learn of all the characteristics he shares with Christ. If you admire Leopold from Kate and Leopold more than any other, you will see how his best attributes are shared with My Jack.

There is only one Perfect Man. Good characters reflect His qualities in their best moments. Are Hollywood screenwriters busy reading scripture to deliberately place Christ-like traits in the romantic movie heroes? I rather doubt it, but that doesn’t stop me from spotting the resemblance, if there is any.

Dearest Reader, I pray that The Surprising Truth forever changes the way you view movies. I pray you find yourself better equipped to talk about Jesus with your peers, colleagues, and co-workers. Most importantly, my prayer is you will know and love Jesus better than you did before.

WARNING: Movies will be referred to and discussed on the assumption that you have already seen and enjoyed them.

Readers:
Who is your favourite movie hero? What movie? What actor played him?
What quality or attribute did you admire most about that character?
Let me know...

Discovering the Surprising Truth

“The movies you love are telling you something important, something about your heart . . .”
– John Eldridge

The first time I realized a movie was telling me something important about the secret longings of my heart was when I saw Titanic. By May of 1998, six months after its release, people were still buzzing about it. With a whopping 11 Oscar wins in March, including Best Picture, and setting new box-office records, it is little wonder this movie continued to be the talk of the town. Finally, I had the opportunity to go and see what all the fuss was about. In the darkened theater I sat, not knowing my life was about to change.

I sat dead center. “Dead” also describes the theater that night, it was almost empty. Titanic had enjoyed a long run, almost everyone had already seen it. There was no popcorn, in fact, I don’t remember how I even managed to afford a movie ticket, but there I was. Little did I know; it was a divine appointment. I would learn later just how important it would be.

As the story unfolded I got caught up in the relationship between Jack and Rose. They were a paradox of sorts. She, who seemingly had everything, had nothing. And he, who seemingly had nothing, had everything that mattered. Oh, how I longed to see them live happily ever after! I knew that ship was going down and this would not end well. Yet I was silently, stubbornly rooting for these two, as we all were. We all wanted to see Jack and Rose defy the odds and get safely off that boat, together.

When that didn’t happen, I cried – as discreetly as possible – at least while I was still at the theater. But as soon as I was alone, I let out the gut-wrenching sobs that had been firmly lodged in my heart and in my throat.

For weeks afterwards, I found myself sporadically bursting into tears. Scenes of the movie kept playing over and over in my mind at the most unexpected moments, and I would instantly be in tears all over again.

I tried to reason my way out of the deep emotional trench I seemed to have fallen into. After all, I knew it was only a movie, I knew Jack was only a fictional character, and I knew it was the state-of-the-art special effects that made it all seem so real. But my heart refused to listen to reason. I was grieved to the depths of my soul and I couldn’t pin down why.

It wasn’t the scenes of death and destruction that made me cry. It wasn’t the scenes in which Rose discarded Jack or turned her back on him, it wasn’t even the sight of Jack’s frozen body slipping beneath the surface of the ocean.

It was the scenes where Jack’s love for Rose was most obvious.

I finally realized I was in mourning not because Jack died, but because I longed for a Jack in my life. I had never felt loved the way Jack loved Rose. I so wanted to be admired, sought after, rescued, forgiven, pursued, and forgiven again, the way Rose had been. I deeply desired to be cherished, valued, and freed to be myself the way Jack cherished, valued and freed Rose to be herself. Jack was so sure of himself, so comfortable in his own skin, so completely at ease in every situation. Because of his self-confidence, he had the capacity to give Rose everything she needed.

Yes, I longed for someone to love me the way that Jack loved Rose, but I had a horrible fear that my ship had already sailed. I dreaded the thought that my future would be a bleak, loveless existence stretching out as far into my future as I dared imagine. I desperately began to pray that God would show me how my desire for a Jack-kind love could ever be fulfilled in my life.

And He did.

I learned something incredible. I learned something earth-shattering that forever changed my life for the better. It is something so extraordinary that I’ve written this blog to share the Surprising Truth with you. What I learned has literally made me a new person. What I learned has given me hope for the future, and joy for today. What I learned brings me peace in the midst of life’s storms.

Reader:
Do you have hope for the future and joy for today?
Do you have a Jack-kind of love?
Take a moment to share your thoughts...

Best New Christian Author of the Year?

In 2008, I was so excited, overjoyed, and humbled to be named one of The Word Guild's finalists in their annual Best New Author of the Year contest for my entry, "The Surprising Truth in Chick Flicks."

I had begun work on it in about 2003. Then, in 2006, I attended The Word Guild's annual conference, Write Canada, in Guelph Ontario. There was some very positive feedback for my work -- the idea of illustrating the character of Christ by using popular film was applauded by more than one expert in the field.

When I got home from the conference I doubled my efforts and worked and re-worked the concept and framework of what would become my first book. By November 30, 2007 I entered it in The Word Guild's contest.

I believe it was March or April of 2008 when I learned I was a finalist. I was very hopeful that I would be selected as the winner as it would mean a publishing deal for "The Surprising Truth in Chick Flicks." Getting published mattered a great deal to me because I so wanted to share how I saw Jesus with others.

During the months that I was waiting for the final decision as to who the winner would be, I was interviewed for publications, had my picture in the newspaper, and was interviewed for Christian radio. All of the publicity led to speaking opportunities.

Public speaking is one of the things I enjoy doing more than anything else in the world! Writing a book was always a means to the ultimate goal of becoming a professional public speaker for the cause of Christ.

June 2008 arrived and with it the awards ceremony. I was deeply disappointed when another author was announced as the winner. Of course, I was crushed. Afterwards two of the judges told me that my book was one of their top choices. As Maxwell Smart would say, "I missed it by 'that' much!" I am not sure if that made it better or worse!

Immediately following the awards ceremony was The Word Guild's annual conference which I attended with a heavy heart. Fortunately, my discouragement did not last long as I met a number of agents who offered to take a look at my book. As a result, I selected a wonderful agent to represent me. He immediately sent out my manuscript to 10 publishers -- each of which were eager to see the book.

Over the next 8 months, I was systematically turned down by all of the publishers, all of them. My agent and I discussed what the problem could possibly be.
We knew I had the writing skill -- I had been chosen as a finalist in a national writing contest.
We knew that my ideas were theologically sound -- I had asked my pastor to read it before entering it in the contest in the first place.

(BTW: He loved it! Then he gave it to his wife to read and she loved it. Then she gave it to their daughter to read and she loved it too. Before the manuscript made it back to me it also made its way around my church's administration office, and they loved it too. It was awesome, the outpouring of support I received!)

So, my agent and I brainstormed what the problem could be and we came up with two possible explanations:
His: Christian publishers are not interested in evangelizing, they are interested in selling to those already committed.
Mine: Christian publishers are not interested in touching something that could be controversial.

I had already been told by another successful Christian author (who read my book and loved it) that he could not endorse it because I had used movies with questionable content such as Pretty Woman.

I am okay with that. I am, after all, in the company of people like William Paul Young, author of The Shack, who, I heard, could not get his book published. He eventually self-published, with the help of some friends.

I checked into self-publishing, and I decided that if I really wanted to put my book into folks' hands, then I should just make it available, for free, on the web.

Thus this blog was born, this blog is my gift to the women of this world.

I hope and, more importantly, I pray that you, dear readers, would find value in these pages. I pray that you will be encouraged, challenged, and validated as you read it.

May God richly bless you always, and in all ways,

Darilyn Lemky

Introducing: Darilyn Edmison

Darilyn started teaching in 1987. For the past nine years, she has been teaching high school Bible and English at a private Christian school. She has recently reduced her teaching commitment to allow more time for speaking and writing.

Darilyn is a passionate and engaging speaker. She relates to her audience with humor, grace and style. Her love for Jesus is both deep and contagious. Darilyn has completed both her Competent and Advanced Toastmaster training and has won several speech competitions and has competed at the regional level.

Darilyn was thrilled to be selected as a finalist in The Word Guild's Best New Canadian Christian Author of the year in their 2008 contest. Her entry was with her first book, The Surprising Truth in Chick Flicks. Using popular film as a catalyst to discuss issues of eternal significance, the leading male characters from movies are examined. The book spotlights eight well known chick flicks: What Women Want, Pretty Woman, You've Got Mail, Titanic, Maid in Manhattan, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Princess Bride, and Kate & Leopold. Each hero shares three characteristics with Jesus.

Twenty-four qualities, each one perfected in Christ. This blog will serve as Darilyn's online venue for sharing The Surprising Truth with you.

Darilyn would love to speak at your church’s next ladies or young adults event. She is also taking bookings for women’s retreats, outreach events, and conferences. If you would like to speak with Darilyn about your upcoming event, please call (204) 669-2012.