How to Train Your Dragon Part 9 Learn the Language

If this movie is not about a boy and a dragon, but instead presents the secrets to a happy, lasting marriage, then something else I learned is that we must learn their language.


If you are married to a Fire-Breathing Reptile (FBR) who is very non-verbal, rest assured that you are not alone.  Part of why I am writing this for women is to help satiate our need for words!

Many husbands do not like to communicate verbally.  If this is your situation too, then together we wives must learn their “sign language.”  Sometimes I wish my husband was more talkative, until I talk to one of my my girlfriends whose husband will talk her ears off!  Then, I am suddenly content with a bit more peace and quiet.

In, Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage, Mark Gungor talks about the four personality types like they are different nationalities.  The Peaceful person, therefore comes from the country of Peace, whereas the Perfect person comes from the land of Perfect.  The two countries, he says, have very different dialects.  He makes a very good point. 

What makes sense to us does not make sense to our husbands.  And the same is true in reverse.  What Mark revealed on his video series, is the “deepest need” that makes your spouse tick.  If we will keep our eye on the ball, so to speak, and strive to meet that particular need for our spouse, then suddenly it is as though we are speaking his language.

The golden rule in learning their language, is don’t assume.  We all know what happens when we ass-u-me, right?  So, do not make the mistake that his actions mean what you think they mean.  Chances are they don’t.  If you are forced to assume what your spouse means, you have to, I mean have to, assume the best.


"Love always hopes" needs to be our slogan here.  (There is an excellent series of devotions in Rick Renner's book, on this passage of scripture.)   "Love always hopes," means that whatever your FBR’s actions are, you must choose to believe that he intends whatever is best for you.  This way if you are going to err, you err on the side of righteousness.

"When in Rome..." part 7

When I was asked to speak here tonight, it was suggested that I maybe share a story about how I’ve had a wish come true.  It was interesting because that got my mind in review mode, scrolling for the best story to tell.

The truth is that I’ve wished for a lot of things, and only gotten some of them.  And some of the things I’ve wished for haven’t turned out the way I’d hoped.

When I was in Rome in 2007 I went to the Trevi Fountain and made a wish.

I was so discouraged at that time because the two things I had been praying for, for so long, I had not happened yet.  One was that I wanted to be married again, and the other thing was that I desperately wanted to be published.

I wanted to be published so badly, because I thought I would have to be a published author in order to do what I am doing tonight.  I want so much to be a spokeperson for Jesus.

And I wanted to be married because every princess longs for a Prince.  Amen?

But I was so discouraged, so tired of asking the Lord for those two things.  I had been asking, begging pleading with God for so long.  I had even tried negotiating with God, “Well, if I can’t have both, then just give me one of those two things...”  By the time I got to the Trevi Fountain, I guess I kind of gave up.  I had been writing since 2001, and a single mother since 1999.

So, I decided to use my Trevi Fountain wish for something else.  I talked it over with the Lord too, because I don’t really believe in Fountains.  I said, “Lord, you know what I really want, but I’m not going to wish for that today.  Anything but that.”  So, as I lifted my Euro coin up and threw it over my shoulder, I “wished” for something else.  Something that wouldn’t slay me if it didn’t come true.

Funny thing is, I have no idea now what I actually wished for.  Whatever it was it must have been something utterly insignificant, and forgettable.  Maybe I wished for a good day.

But God heard my heart, and hadn’t forgotten me.

Four months after returning home from Rome, I submitted my unpublished manuscript to The Best New Canadian Christian Author of the year contest and was named one of the finalists.

Ten months after I visited that fountain, the man who is now my husband walked through the front door of my school and asked me out for the very first time.

My point tonight is simply this -- Jesus is the supplier of everything you deeply desire.


Psalm 37:4 says,

“Delight yourself in the LORD 

       and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

That manuscript never did get published.  The Lord instructed me to “give it away” so I started a blog and posted the whole thing.  Now I maintain that blog and have over 1000 visitors every month, with readers accessing it from all over the world.

And I keep writing.  I don’t know what the Lord has for me, but I do know this.  I am here tonight talking to you fine ladies about the Love of my life.  And I have a fine-looking man waiting for me at home.  Together we have 4 young adult children, and let me tell you, life in a blended family is never boring.

Ultimately, the Lord is the Author of my unique “happily ever after.”  And He can be the Author of yours too.  Learn to delight yourself in Him.  

If you don’t know Jesus as your saviour, please come and talk with me afterwards.  It would be my pleasure and an enormous priviledge for me to pray with you tonight.

If you don’t really know how much Jesus loves you, please come and let me pray with you that you too will receive a revelation of God’s unfailing love for you.

*****

Readers, do you know Him?  Let me know.  I long to hear from you just as God longs to hear your prayers.  Did you know the Bible tells us to present our requests to Him?  Go ahead.  He's listening.

"Unfailing Love" part 6

The third group of wishes centered around relationships.
The wishes were for someone to love and to be loved.  Don’t we all want and need that?  God is fully aware of this.  After all, He created us for love.
Proverbs 19:22 says,

“What a man desires is unfailing love;”  

The boys wished for girlfriends, hot girlfriends specifically.  I don’t think they had marriage on their minds, if you know what I’m saying!  Whereas the girls wished for husbands, preferably a prince.  Can you see the conflict of interest here?  The world is full of women, young women, who are just starving for love.  Unfailing love.  They seem to be willing to do just about anything to snag themselves a man.

But, Proverbs 20:6 declares,

“Many a man claims to have unfailing love, 

but a faithful man who can find?”

Indeed!  Where can you find a faithful man?  We are a generation looking for love in all the wrong places.  The truth is that the One and Only source of unfailing love is God Himself.  God is love.

I will never forget the day that I learned, deep in the marrow of my bones, that I am loved by God.  

It was the day I found Ephesians 1:4-5,

“For he chose us in him before the creation of the world 

to be holy and blameless in his sight. 

In love he predestined us to be adopted 

as his sons through Jesus Christ, 

in accordance with his pleasure and will—”

These verses told me six life-changing facts:

1. I was chosen by the Creator of the universe, before it was created.
2. I am holy and blameless in His sight.  (Imagine, ME!?!?)
3. God was motivated by love.  No ulterior motives.
4. I was predestined to know Him.
5. He adopted me because I brought him pleasure.
6. God loves me intentionally.

In that moment, my soul opened up as if I had been struck with spiritual lightening.  And I knew that I knew that I was loved by God.  The sad thing is that I had been a Christian for years already!

Maybe you are here tonight and you are wishing you knew that you are loved by God.  Ladies, let me tell you tonight, that if I am loved by God, YOU ARE LOVED BY GOD!!  And his love is unfailing.

*****

Readers, you might like to know that after almost 10 years of being a single mom, a faithful man found me.  We were married November 28, 2008.  Here we are:

"You're Perfect for your Purpose!" part 5

The second group of wishes had to do with doing things, having certain skills or abilities.

Most students wished for specific abilities, accomplishments, or achievements like:

• “I wish I could sing,” 
• “I wish I could do missions work,”
• “I wish I could play soccer for a national team in the World Cup.”  

They want to do something significant.  They want a sense of purpose.  Rick Warren’s book, Purpose Driven Life sold over 25 million copies and is the best-selling hardcover book in American history.  It seems like doing something, and doing it with purpose, is something we are all yearning for.

This basic human need is also fulfilled in Christ.
Ephesians 2:10 says,

“For we are God's workmanship, 

created in Christ Jesus to do good works, 

which God prepared in advance for us to do.”   

Yes, we were created to do good works.  We don’t have to wish we will be good enough to do whatever it is that we are called to do.  All we have to do is prepare ourselves to the best of our ability and trust God for the rest.  He created us to do GOOD works -- not substandard works, or sloppy works, but good works.  We can trust that He will make us able.

Colossians 3:23-24

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, 

as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 

since you know that you will receive an inheritance 

from the Lord as a reward. 

It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

In Dr. Myles Munroe’s book, Principles and Power of Vision, he states that we are made perfect for our purpose.

So instead of wishing for skills, abilities, or accomplishments, we can just be praying that God reveals to us the purpose for our lives, and thank Him for equipping us to fulfill our purpose.

*****

Readers, it is an awesome book!

"Poverty vs. Prosperity" part 4

The first group of wishes was for money or things that money can buy.  In other words: financial provision.  Jesus promises us that He will make sure we have all we need.

In Matthew 6:33 He was talking about the very necessities of life; food and clothing when he said,
“Seek first the kingdom of God and
all these things will be added unto you.”

If you put the Lord first in your life, you will have your basic needs met.  Maybe not immediately, maybe not in the way you had imagined, but it will happen.  One of the names of God is Jehovah Jireh -- the God of our provision.  Jesus will meet your need for financial provision.

This doesn’t mean you can approach the Lord as if He is some sort of cosmic Santa Claus -- I am not suggesting that money will fall from the sky, or that Christianity is a get-rich-quick plan.  I am saying that our loving heavenly Father will not abandon us in a time of need.

When I got out of my first marriage in 1999, I had a net worth of exactly zero.  I didn’t have a job, and I had to get out of the marital home.  The debt matched the equity exactly, and so I started over again with two kids, a dog, and a 1996 red Sunfire.  Hey, at least it was red!

By a miracle of God, I was able to buy a home.  Then another miracle landed me a job near my new house.  But for a long time I worried that we wouldn’t have enough.  Every time I felt like poverty was squeezing the life out of me, I would practice generousity with someone else.  I had a friend I would go shopping with, and she never had money to actually buy anything she liked, so I started buying her something each time I was feeling poor.

I didn’t realize it at that time, but I was practicing the Biblical principal found in Luke 21:2-4

“He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins.

“Truly I tell you,” he said, 

“this poor widow has put in more than all the others.  

All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; 

but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.”

Now, I certainly didn’t give all that I had to live on, but I gave even in the midst of feeling impoverished.
And the Lord eventually blessed me just as his word says he will in Luke 6:38 --

“Give, and it will be given to you. 

A good measure, pressed down, 

shaken together and running over, 

will be poured into your lap. 

For with the measure you use, 

it will be measured to you.”

Meanwhile, I was learning something more in scripture.

"Whoever can be trusted with very little 

can also be trusted with much, 

and whoever is dishonest with very little 

will also be dishonest with much.  ...

So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, 

who will trust you with true riches?  

And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else’s property, 

who will give you property of your own?"

And so I prayed that God would help me become more trustworthy with what I did have.
Around that time, the Prayer of Jabez was really popular.  So I had a good look at it and I realized that when you ask God to enlarge your territory, you are actually asking Him to increase your responsibility.  Well, I didn’t really want MORE responsibility.  So I didn’t ask for more territory, I asked for the wisdom and the ability to be faithful with what I had, and to be thankful for it.
 
It’s all about praying for what God wants you to have.  I asked for wisdom, trustworthiness, and to be faithful and grateful for what I had.  And I began to give.

See, God doesn’t want to bless you materially so that you line your own pockets and keep everything for yourself.  He doesn’t want you to be financially constipated.  Everything belongs to Him, and he wants to keep the finances flowing.

Did you know that the overwhelming majority of the world’s population lives on less than $2 a day?  If you are not willing to give it away, don’t expect God to give to you.  

We have to start recognizing that money is just a tool that we are to use to advance His kingdom.  Our money is not even ours!  If you don’t believe me, check out the parable of the talents.  :)

Love, Darilyn

"Wishing, Hoping, Praying" part 3

Making a wish can be really fun.  I asked my classes to write down for me what they would wish for if given the chance.  I wanted to see what kind of trend might emerge, or if one would.

They wished for:

• material possessions or money,
• talents or abilities,
• and relationships!

These wishes could be categorized as:

• To be secure, 
• To be successful,
• To be loved, 

Interesting how all of the wishes were the students’ own version of “happily ever after.”

I think in order to obtain these types of things, we need to do more than just wish for them.  We need to pray for them.

The difference between wishing and praying is this: wishing is hope without substance.  We know, even while we are blowing out those candles (and the more there are, the more this is true) that the wish is not likely going to come true.  Maybe some of us have stopped bothering to even make a wish when we blow out our candles.  Maybe some of us don’t even bother to light them.  The song we heard earlier, contains one line that I think captures our hopelessness when it comes to wishes, “I wish wishes came true.”

The truth is, wishing is not enough.  We need to pray.

Wishing is hope without substance, whereas praying is an expression of faith.
We pray because we have faith in the One to whom we are offering our petitions.  We know that God is love, that he has our best interests at heart, and that he wants to hear from us.  He is enough to meet our needs, and He promises to do so.

The key to unlocking the power of prayer is knowing what to pray for.

*****

"If you can do anything..." part 2

I teach at a private Christian school.  Every day after rising for Oh Canada, we have a student read some scripture and pray over the intercom to start our day.

Almost every day the student will pray something like,
“May everyone who has a test today do well on it,”
“May everyone who has a cold feel better today,”
“Give us all a good day today.”

I’m guessing these kind of prayers must sound like fingernails on a chalkboard in the ears of God.

I mean, come on!

Here we are -- covered with the blood of the lamb, in the throne room of The Almighty, Holy of Holies, we have the full attention of the Creator of all that ever was, is, or will be.  He is tuned to us with rapt attention, and perhaps like Jesus often inquired, He is asking, “What do you want me to do for you?”

And we ask for “a good day”??  What is up with that?  Don’t we KNOW he is capable of a whole lot MORE than giving us one “good day”??

This minimal attitude of ours reminds me of a story in Mark chapter 9:

Jesus took Peter, James and John with him and led them up a high mountain, where they were all alone. There he was transfigured before them.  His clothes became dazzling white, whiter than anyone in the world could bleach them.  And there appeared before them Elijah and Moses, who were talking with Jesus.  Then a cloud appeared and covered them, and a voice came from the cloud: “This is my Son, whom I love. Listen to him!”  Suddenly, when they looked around, they no longer saw anyone with them except Jesus.  As they were coming down the mountain, ...

They came to the other disciples, they saw a large crowd around them...  A man in the crowd said, “Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech.  Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground.  He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not.”  Jesus replied, “Bring the boy to me.”

So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion.  He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.  Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?”

“From childhood,” he answered.  "It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”

That’s the part that really amazes me.  This man has no idea Who he is talking to!!

Does he think he is at the return counter at Canadian Tire, “Hey, buddy, if you can do anything, I’d like to return this tool.”

Or does he think he’s at the garage talking to his mechanic, “My engine is making this wierd noise, if you can do anything, let me know.”

Just 5 minutes before, Jesus showed Himself for Who He really is.  The One and Only Holy Son of a Holy God.  And this guy says, “If you can do anything...”?

Jesus says, “‘If you can’”!?!?

You better believe he can!!  He can do anything!  So why are we asking for a “good day”???  Can’t we think of something more significant, more life-changing, more important to ask for from the Almighty Creator of the entire Universe?

*****

"A longing fulfilled" part 1

Recently I was invited to speak at a ladies event in which the theme was wishing.  We had a really great time, and a few days later, a friend came by and asked me how it went.  She was quite interested in knowing what I had spoken about.

"Well, my notes are right here," I told her, "You can have them if you like."

She seemed quite enthusiastic about that idea, and so she took them home with her.  A little while later, she told me how much my message had blessed her.  Not just a general comment like, "Good job," but a detailed description of exactly which passages had touched her.

Then she asked, "Why haven't you posted it on your blog?"  I didn't really have an answer for her.  I would never intentionally hold out on my readers.  :)  So, by request, here is basically what I said:

*****

Thank you so much for having me here tonight.  I just have to start out with a bit of a confession... It is really intimidating to hear oneself introduced like that.  I mean, they say all these wonderful things about you, and then you have to get up on stage and try to live up to your own press.

What they don't tell you, in a formal introduction like that, is who I really am behind the scenes.  And let me tell you, I do not "have it together" any more than any one of you.

Has anyone been on a cruise?  Yes, me too.  In fact I just got back from one the beginning of February.  You know what they say?  They say the average person on a cruise gains 7 pounds in a week!  That's right!  But I was so happy, I only gained one pound in a week.  The problem is, according to my bathroom scale, I am still on that cruise!

So, I've been wearing stretchy, athletic pants ever since I got home -- they are the only pants that fit.  But I wanted to look really nice for all of you, so I went into my closet and pulled out my black dress pants for tonight.  Thanks to the miracle of control top panty hose, I was actually able to get the pants all the way up.  I'm not saying it was easy.  I'm just saying I got them up.  I felt like a farmer sausage being squeezed into its skin.  I eventually managed to get the zipper up too.  The problem was, the zipper broke, and I was trapped in my pants!

So, I just wanted to tell you that your illustrious speaker is standing before you tonight with pants held together with a paperclip.


The title I have chosen for tonight is, "A longing fulfilled."  That is really the essence of what wishing is -- a longing that we want to have, and hope will be, fulfilled.  The Lord understands how important hope is to the the human heart.  
Proverbs 13:12 tells us, 

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, 

but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

Life is a mixture of “hope deferred” and “a longing fulfilled.”  That’s why it often feels like we are on the proverbial “emotional roller coaster.”  

And there are times when both are true at once.  How many of you wish you could lose 5 pounds?  How many of you ate the dessert anyways?  You see what I mean, we want what we don’t want.  

The Apostle Paul wrote about this struggle in Romans 7:19, 

“For what I do is not the good I want to do; 

no, the evil I do not want to do, this I keep on doing.”

Paraphrased by Darilyn that verse would read, 

“For what I eat is not the healthy stuff I want to eat; 

NO, the chocolate I do not want to eat, 

that is exactly what I keep on eating.”

And then we wonder why our “wishes” don’t come true.

*****

Note to readers: I have actually been chocolate free since March 19!  If you have been following my blog, you know why.  If not, I encourage you to scroll back and see.  It is a great story!!

Hope this blessed you, come back to read more.  

Love, Darilyn

What would you do if you were Limitless?

That question is the tagline for the hot new movie, Limitless.

The story centres around a man who gets his hands on a clear, colourless pill called NZT that allows him to use 100% of his brain instead of just the 10% we all supposedly use.

This pill makes him think clearly, very clearly, and somehow boosts his motivation to get things done.  He starts out as a wanna-be writer with terminal writer's block, but he is able to finish his book within 4 days, once on NZT.

He can learn new languages with little to no effort.  He has instant recall of everything he has ever seen or heard and can combine pieces of information to understand everything in a new way.

The phrase that came to my mind as I was watching was, "Artfully integrates ideas into a cohesive whole." which is one of the descriptors for an Above Level answer for the English Language Arts standards exams.  At that moment, I thought I'd like to get my hands on some NZT for all my students for when they have to write those exams.

Then I thought, oh how I'd love some for myself!  I would finish writing my novel, and the three non-fiction books I've started (and abandoned).  I would be able to create new Bible studies, and speak as eloquently as Beth Moore!  I would figure out a way to understand my husband.  Wait a minute!  Not only would I be giving myself the pill, I would make sure my husband got some too.  (Amen, ladies?)

Of course, the pill in the movie is illegal, and deadly.  So there is a strong message here about the dangers of becoming addicted to a substance.  Still.  I wanted some.

It wasn't long before I noticed the strong correlation between NZT and the Holy Spirit.  Now, calm down folks -- only the positive benefits of NZT align with the Holy Spirit:  The Bible says that the HS will lead us into all truth.  It also says that when we are at a loss for words, the HS will give us the words to say.  Some believe that the HS will cause us to speak in other tongues.  The HS is what allows us to see truths in scripture that an unrenewed mind cannot see.  The HS interprets situations for us and gives us wisdom, discernment, courage, confidence, and power.

Interesting.  And therein is the problem, I think.  Christianity is not a pill you take to relieve all your problems.  Becoming a believer will not make everything suddenly go your way.  Your decision to accept Christ as your saviour will not make you rich, or save you from calamity.  Unfortunately, too many people and pastors try to "sell" Christianity as a solution to their problems.  No wonder folks get disillusioned and fall away.

It's not about you.  (Thanks to Rick Warren who pointed that out to over 30 million readers of Purpose Driven Life.)  It's about Him.

The Holy Spirit doesn't enable you to "do all things" so that you are glorified.  It is so that Christ is glorified in you.

Lord Jesus, above all I pray that you are glorified in my life.  Through the trials and tribulations I am experiencing in my personal life, I pray that you will strengthen me through my inmost being.  I pray that I will be rooted and established firmly in your love, so that when troubles come my way, I will want nothing more than for all of it to be used for your ultimate glory.  Father, I pray that you will have your way with me.  I pray that my desires line up with your desires.  I pray that my will is constantly surrendered to yours.  And I pray that my priorities will always be a reflection of your priorities for my life.  I pray also that you will use every circumstance in my life to conform me more and more into the image of Your Son.  And I pray that my readers will be blessed abundantly by this blog post, Amen.

Readers, I love and value you.  Feel free to share this post on Facebook or elsewhere.  Please include my blog address.  :)

Love, Darilyn