How to Train Your Dragon Part 8

It was almost magical the way Hiccup was able to win the confidence of Toothless the Dragon, to become his friend, and eventually be able to climb aboard his back and fly.

Hiccup used an amazing amount of wisdom.  He seemed to always know the right things to do in order to win the trust of the dragon.  I couldn't help but think that if we all applied the same principles to our relationships, how much better would they be?

I firmly believe that we can apply Hiccup's strategies to our marriages and reap amazing results.  Something I learned from Hiccup is:
 
Be Persistent!

Any great achievement is going to come at a cost.  Success doesn't just come knocking on your door.  Opportunity knocks, but Success you have to work for.  It does not come easily, which is why we must develop an attitude of persistence.

In order to be persistent, we must be convinced in our core that the prize is worth the cost.  Hiccup instinctively knew that it would be worth every amount of inconvenience and effort to assist the downed dragon.  Did he begin the relationship with Toothless thinking that he would one day ride and subdue him?  I don't think so.

Hiccup simply wanted to take responsibility for the damage he had done to the tail of the animal.  In order to help Toothless, he had to win his trust.  Hiccup was willing to do "whatever it takes" to win the dragon's trust.

Have you broken your dragon's trust?  Unless you are reading this on your honeymoon, I'm guessing you have.  Are you willing to do whatever it takes to win back that trust?  It may take time.  It may take lots of time.  But will be worth it.  Marriages fail because one or both partners give up too soon.

If you remain persistent long enough, eventually your dragon will come around.  The trick is to simply, "Never, never, never give up." - Winston Churchill.

Readers, thank you so much for visiting my blog.  I am praying that the truths you find here and apply to your lives will be a great help to you.  Most of all I pray that you will find that Jesus is enough to meet all your needs.  Don't give up, dear ones.

Love,

Darilyn

How to Train Your Dragon Part 7

If this movie is not really about a boy training a dragon but instead about someone learning to love their spouse, then this is something else I learned:

Adjust Your Behaviour!

In the movie, we saw this over and over again.  As Hiccup learned something new about Toothless he would adjust his behavior in order to present a consistent message of care, love, and acceptance.

When he brought Toothless a huge basket of fish and various fish-type items, he discovered Toothless found the eel particularly distasteful.

He did not:

• make excuses for why he brought the eel
• question why Toothless didn't like eel
• blame the dragon for not liking eel when "everybody else likes it" 
• criticize Toothless for being picky, or 
• accuse the dragon of being ungrateful.

Hiccup simply took the eel out of the way.  That's it.  Just take the eel away.  And don't bring any again.

Do you know what your eel is?  If you don't, ask God to reveal it to you.  He is faithful to answer those types of prayers.  He wants you to adjust your behaviour to bring Him glory.  Good, godly marriages bring Him glory.

Have you been bringing your dragon an eel for supper?  Stop.  It just isn't seen as a gift, even if you perhaps intended it to be one.  It is nothing personal.  Your dragon just doesn't like eel.

*****

Hiccup continuously made adjustments with regard to the the tail contraption he built for Toothless.

He made many revisions to its design in order to get it just right.  Then he made many attempts at controlling the artificial appendage in tandem and cooperation with Toothless -- even while in mid-flight.

That is a perfect picture of how marriage works:  you try, and then you try again.  You make mistakes, then you make revisions and try again.  You work with the limitations and strengths of your partner.  You make adjustments, accommodations, and more revisions to improve what is working, but could work better.

Hiccup could never fly without Toothless, and Toothless would never fly again if it were not for Hiccup.
If we want to get our marriages off the ground, we have to realize:

1. We cannot do it without our partner.
2. We will have to make adjustments to compensate for our partners' weaknesses.
3. It will be worth it.

Readers, I know you can do it.  With God's help we can "soar on eagles wings because we trust in Him."  I am praying for you.

Love,

Darilyn

How to Train Your Dragon Part 6

If this movie is not about a boy and his dragon, but instead contains the secrets necessary for a happy marriage, then something I learned is:

6.  Swallow the fish!

There is a moment in the film when Hiccup brings a fish for Toothless to eat.  The dragon eats it, and then -- coughs half of it back up to share with Hiccup.

Hiccup is obviously not that fond of raw fish covered in dragon slobber, but realizing the regurgitated fish is a symbol of friendship that has been extended by Toothless, he takes a bite.

Then Toothless waits expectantly for hiccup to swallow it:

It is a pivotal moment.  Will Hiccup sacrificially swallow the fish in order to receive the gesture of friendship?  Or will he choose instead to cater to his own tastes and refuse Toothless' bid for friendship?

These types of moments happen all the time in relationships and especially in marriage.  We have to learn to both recognize and receive gestures of love -- even if they are not something we would have chosen for ourself.

Once when my son was about 10 years old, and a die-hard Skittles fan, I was standing at the kitchen sink doing dishes.  He came over and offered me a sticky handful of Skittles.  Partly because my hands were immersed in dishwater, and partly because I'm more of a chocolate fan, and partly because one can never be entirely sure where those Skittles have been... I said, "Oh, no thanks, honey.  I don't want any Skittles right now."

He went over to the kitchen table and sat down quietly.  And then he started to talk.  "Mom, you know how you give us things sometimes and then you say, 'Wow, is that ever a nice shirt, someone must really love you'?"

"Yes," I said and waited for him to continue.

"Well," he said as he came back over to the sink, "do you want a skittle?"

Suddenly the light went on inside my thick head and I realized that the sweat and fuzz-covered skittle was really a symbol of my son's love for me.  There he was holding out his precious little sticky hand, palm up, offering me his love.

"Oh, yes!" I exclaimed, "I would love a Skittle!"  I took the candy and I scooped up my son in my arms and I held him tight and told him I loved him more than anything!  He gave me more than candy that day.  He gave me one of the best memories of my life.  A memory of love.  And I am so glad that I received his gesture of love.  Thank God, he gave me a second chance to do so.

When you become acquainted with someone from another culture, you have to learn some of their customs to appreciate what they are communicating.  When I was in France, I learned that to toast without making eye contact with each and every glass-clink would be considered rude.  When I was in Mexico, I learned that dinner took place at around 10 o'clock at night, any sooner would be too early.  When I taught in a small town on the prairie, I learned that to dance with another woman's husband is the worst social faux-pas.  So, we adjust our actions to assimilate into the friendship.  We go out of our way to make one another comfortable.

In our marriage we are definitely getting to know someone from another culture.  Even if we married the boy next door, they are from a different family than us and so they come from a different culture.  We have to get to know their customs, their gestures.  And sometimes we have to choose to swallow the fish.

Readers, I am praying for you to succeed in your marriage, and all your relationships.  Jesus loves you, and so do I.

Love, Darilyn

How to Train Your Dragon Part 5

If this movie is NOT about a boy and his dragon, and instead is a marriage instructional (and the more I apply what I learned, the more convinced I am that it is) then something else I learned is:

Be Humble!

On dictionary.com humility is defined as, "the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc."  The synonyms listed include: lowliness, meekness, and submissiveness.  The antonym or opposite is pride. 

God hates pride, which should be reason enough to be humble.  But the fact that humility can save or radically improve your marriage should also inspire you to read on.

*****

In the movie, the vikings had a manual that held everything they knew about dragons. But, what Hiccup discovered is, "Everything we know is wrong."

Ladies, if you have been reading Cosmo magazine and expecting it to contain information to help you in understanding your boyfriends or husband, maybe you should consider the possibility that, "Everything (you) know is wrong."

Guys, the same thing applies to you if you have been getting information from your buddies about how to understand your girlfriend, your wife, or your daughter.  You know the best source of information about your wife?  Your wife!

Ladies, the only one who can answer questions about your husband with any degree of accuracy is your husband.  Not a magazine, not your mother, and not your friends.

Pride is assuming you know it all.  You don't.   If you assume you know nothing, you are on the right track!  If you assume you have everything to learn you have taken a correct position.  The assumption that you know nothing will enable you to become a student of your dragon.

Study your dragon.  Watch them, closely.  What makes their face light up?  What makes them worry?  What makes them feel protected, respected, valued, honoured, and loved?  Do those things.  Do them often.

The formula for a successful marriage can be very simple:  Loving = Learning + Doing

Learning what your spouse needs takes humility and doing for your spouse takes even more.  So, be humble.

I am praying for you, readers.  Please let me know if this is helping you.  :)

Love Darilyn

How to Train Your Dragon Part 4

If this movie depicts NOT a relationship between a boy and a dragon, but instead reveals the formula for a successful marriage, then something I learned from it is:

Be patient!

Hiccup is the one who wants to move the relationship with Toothless forward.  He is the one that each one of us needs to identify with.  I am writing this for you -- the reader -- whether you are the husband OR the wife, you need to be the Hiccup in your relationship.

You can apply the principles that we learn from Hiccup and you can make a difference in your marriage.  Trust me.  I've been applying these lessons to my own marriage, and they have made a huge difference.

When Hiccup wants to touch Toothless, the dragon doesn't let him, at first.  But Hiccup is very patient.  First he just allows Toothless time to become accustomed to his presence.  He allows the dragon all the time he needs to feel comfortable with his nearness.  He just sits nearby.  Patiently.

Sometimes, the simplest things are what is needed.  My husband really appreciates it if I just sit with him while he is watching TV.  He loves having me beside him for a drive, and especially at church.  As for me, I like conversation -- the more involved the better.  But sometimes what is needed is the shoulder-to-shoulder togetherness that he craves so that the conversation that I need can happen.

I need to take a lesson from Hiccup -- don't force it.  Give it time.  Wait until my dragon is ready to talk.  I am ready to talk, always.  But I need to be patient.  I need to let my dragon take the time he needs to open up.  

Giving your dragon the time and space that he needs is a form of respect.  Respect is man-speak for the most highly valued love-commodity.  Women also need to be respected and allowing them the time and space they need is important too.  Gentlemen, you know what you are usually in a hurry for -- give her the time she needs to warm up to you.  Trust me.  It will pay off!  ;)

Finally Hiccup reaches out towards Toothless, then averts his eyes and bows his head and waits.  His patience pays off when the dragon leans in towards Hiccups extended hand.  The scene reminds me of Hitch's first kiss advice: "Lean in 90% of the way and then wait -- let her come to you."

We all can take a lesson from Hiccup -- Be Patient!

I am praying for you.

Love,

Darilyn

How to Train Your Dragon Part 3

If this movie is not about a boy and a dragon, but is instead about a husband and wife (or a wife and a husband) then here is what I learned:

3. Set your Dragon Free:

As I watched Hiccup's feelings change from fear to triumph then from compassion to remorse, and witnessed him cutting the ropes that bound the dragon, I couldn't help but wonder what ropes are holding my dragon captive?

When Hiccup first saw the might Night Fury tangled up in the ropes that were launched from his contraption, he was in awe of what his own actions had wrought.  "I did this," he murmured in a tone of shock and reverence.

I wonder if there have been things I've said or done that have brought my dragon down, helpless and wounded.  I don't have to wonder.  I know my words have gone out like that rope-net that snatched the Night Fury out of the sky.  And I know that perhaps some of them still hold my dragon captive.

Like Hiccup, I recognize the damage my actions have caused, and I am remorseful.  I want to set my dragon free.  And so it is up to me to cut those ropes: to apologize, to reverse my actions, to make right whatever I have made wrong in the first place.

Unfortunately, after Hiccup cut the ropes, the dragon still couldn't get away.  Not completely.  Its tail had been damaged in the fall, and it could not fly out of the pit it had found itself in.

Is your dragon stuck in a pit?  It could be a pit of depression, a financial pit, a pit of shame, a habit, or even a dead end job.  What can you do to help your dragon up out of their pit?  How can you work together to set and achieve goals that will take you both to a greater height?

You want your dragon to be free because of the marriage -- 

not feeling desperate to be free from the marriage.

For a long time I wanted to return to higher education to pursue a Master's Degree.  Unfortunately, I just could not make that happen for one reason or another for many years.  Now, because of my marriage, I am able to work on my degree.  I am earning a Masters of Arts in Communication from Spring Arbor University.  The pit I was stuck in was one of disappointment, and regret because I never had the chance to really apply myself towards higher learning.  Now I can.  With my husband's help.

Oneness is God's goal for marriage.  Can you and your dragon fly as one?  Before Hiccup and Toothless could fly as one, it took many attempts and adjustments to the artificial tail fin that Hiccup made for Toothless.  They both had lots of learning to do, and trust to build together.

What heights could you soar to with your dragon?  What can you do to help your dragon reach their potential?  What can you do for your dragon to help them overcome their deficiencies?

Readers -- thanks for reading.  If you find this at all helpful, please let me know.  I am praying for you and for your marriages.  I love you and Jesus loves you even more!  May God richly bless you this New Year!

Love Darilyn