There is No Substitute

Readers, some of you already know that I have made a covenant with the Lord to surrender chocolate for 60 days, until May 16, 2011.  This has nothing to do with Lent, but I suppose it is a similar idea.

The idea is that while my young friend is participating in a 60 day residential treatment program to be set free from his substance addiction, I am relinquishing my 'substance' as well.

I always joked about how often I liked to have chocolate.  It was part of every celebration, and every self-pity party.  It was my reward for accomplishing difficult tasks, and it was how I coped with stress.  It was my immediate preference whenever choosing a flavour of gelato or ordering dessert at a restaurant.  It was my default snack every time we watched a movie.  Those pouches of Coffee Crisp or Kit Kat bites are my absolute favourite!  At home, chocolate was always available in multiple forms: cookies, cake, brownies, chocolate-covered almonds, and whenever I felt the need for even more chocolate, I would make myself a warm-chocolate-melting cake fresh from the oven.

In short, chocolate was an integral part of my every day life.  Much the same way that a substance becomes an integral part of an addict's lifestyle.  Giving it up was much harder than I anticipated.  In an effort to cope, I began to reach for alternate snacks to fill the void.

Last Tuesday I was preparing for a speaking engagement in the afternoon.  There was still a huge piece of chocolate fudge cake with cream cheese icing sitting on the counter which I had made just before making my covenant promise.  I was alone in the house.  That cake seemed to be calling my name.  I went over to the piece of cake, which my husband had conveniently already transferred from the big cake plate onto an individual serving plate, and held the plate in my hands.

I am alone.  I thought,  No one will know.

But I would know.  God would know.  And I wasn't willing to sell out my personal integrity for a chocolate fix, even if it was the best cake I'd ever baked, and even if it would go bad unless someone ate it.   I could not bring myself to put it down the garberator or throw it away, so I stashed it in the freezer to preserve its life until someone else could enjoy it.

I decided to make a carrot cake and put the same irresistible cream cheese icing on it that I had put on the chocolate fudge cake.  So instead of spending time preparing for my speaking engagement, there I was baking a carrot cake.  When it was finally done, cooled, cut into layers, and draped in a lavish amount of the mouth-watering icing, I sat down to enjoy a piece.

That's when I came to the conclusion that there is no substitute.  That piece of carrot cake, no matter how good, would not, could not, fill the chocolate void inside of me.  It could never satisfy my desire, my longing, my craving for chocolate.

And I wondered how often we try to fill the Jesus void inside of us with other things.  We buy shoes, clothes, household items, and all variety of material things to try and satiate the longings we have.  Some of us chase the almighty dollar, or recognition in our chosen field.  Some seek fulfillment in relationships, one after another, after another, after another.  Some folks turn to thrill seeking, death defying stunts to make them feel alive.  Others get hooked on a substance.

Jesus -- there is no substitute.

Only He is our Prince of Peace.  He is our security, our joy, our strength.  Only He can satisfy our soul-deep craving for unfailing love.  Only He can redeem us from darkness and set us completely free.  Unlike that piece of chocolate cake, Jesus really is calling my name.

Readers, I pray that you will realize that there is no substitute for Jesus.  I pray that you can identify the 'substance' you are using to try to fill the Jesus void in your life.  And I pray you will surrender it in favour of pursuing Christ.

Love, Darilyn

Another Update on What's New with Darilyn! :)

One of the most amazing events of my life transpired over the last week.  My daughter has a friend who found himself in a bit of trouble...  I am putting it a bit mildly.  He needed to kick a drug problem.  He waited two months to get into rehab, and the day he thought he was getting in -- they turned him down!

So my daughter called me all upset because she wanted so much to help him.  It was a Friday afternoon and the best I could do was find out about a program that had intakes on Monday.  So, on Monday I took this precious child of God in to hear about the program.

The long and short of it was this: the intake counsellor met us, asked him some questions about his hopes and desires for the future, and pulled some strings to get him in right away.  I mean, right away!  We went and got him an overnight bag, and a doctor's clearance.  He was scared (I was afraid for him too...) but we faced into it, and off he went.

He had to do 5 days of detox, instead of 10, and he is now into 60 days of Rehab.

Now, I have to tell you, I really feel like I witnessed a miracle.  This young man's mother thinks she owes it all to me.  But we know it is Christ in me who has made a difference for this young man.  Still, what a privilege to be part of it.  And I get to be part of it all as his miracle continues to unfold for the next 60 days.

As part of my support for him, I am giving up chocolate for 60 days.  Every time I feel like eating chocolate, I am going to pray for him instead.  :)  If he can give up one of the most addictive substances known to man, surely I can surrender my chocolate.

Please pray for him readers.  The Lord will know who it is.  :)

Love you so much readers.  You are never far from my mind, and you are never absent from my prayers.

Darilyn

What's been on my mind...

Beloved Readers,

Sorry it has been so long since I last blogged.  First of all, my husband surprised me at the end of January by suggesting we get a way for an impromptu vacation.  We flew down to Los Angeles and got on a cruise to the Mexican Riviera.  It was wonderful!!

The day after we got home, I sold my house.  Not the one I have been living in for the past two years and three months with my new husband, but the one in which I lived for seven years as a single mom with my daughter and son.  I had been holding onto it, renting it out and keeping up with the payments.  But I finally felt that letting it go was an important step in letting go of former things.  The Lord says, "Forget the former things, see I am doing a new thing.  Do you not perceive it?"

Well, yes, I perceive it.  So I sold my house.  It was kind of hard, I mean the heights of my growing children were marked on the door-frame between the kitchen and living room.  One can see how they overtook me in height, the dates recorded there beside each mark.  It was a bit sad to think of another family living there, but the home went for well above list price, so I suddenly felt much better.  It was a fulfilled promise, the Lord restored the years the locusts had eaten!  "The desires of the righteous will be fulfilled."

Me, righteous?  Well, I know my only righteousness is because I have accepted the Great Exchange that Christ offers -- His death on the cross so that I am off the hook for paying the wages of sin.  In fact, I have never been more keenly aware of my own frailties as I have been lately.  Marriage is hard.  Blended-Family Marriages are even harder.  This is why I had been writing on How to Train Your Dragon.

I needed my own advice more desperately than any of you readers needed it.  I needed to apply the principles that I observed in that film to my own situation.  And so I did, and what a world of difference it has made.

The truth is that instead of Training my Dragon, I ended up changing me.  I literally trained myself to be a better wife by implementing what I learned from that seemingly insignificant kid's movie.  As I said, my husband suddenly wanted to whisk me away on a cruise!

And so I got to thinking, "Hey, maybe I should take my Dragon Training blog series and make it into a book."  I hope and pray that the concepts, founded on God's Word, will help transform others' marriages too.  So that is what I've been doing.  So, I am sorry that I haven't been adding to this blog -- but rest assured that the Lord is hard at work, conforming me to His image, and calling me onward to do more.

I trust and pray that the Lord is revealing more of himself to you as you seek him with your whole heart. Blessings, precious readers.

Love, Darilyn

How to Train Your Dragon Part 8

It was almost magical the way Hiccup was able to win the confidence of Toothless the Dragon, to become his friend, and eventually be able to climb aboard his back and fly.

Hiccup used an amazing amount of wisdom.  He seemed to always know the right things to do in order to win the trust of the dragon.  I couldn't help but think that if we all applied the same principles to our relationships, how much better would they be?

I firmly believe that we can apply Hiccup's strategies to our marriages and reap amazing results.  Something I learned from Hiccup is:
 
Be Persistent!

Any great achievement is going to come at a cost.  Success doesn't just come knocking on your door.  Opportunity knocks, but Success you have to work for.  It does not come easily, which is why we must develop an attitude of persistence.

In order to be persistent, we must be convinced in our core that the prize is worth the cost.  Hiccup instinctively knew that it would be worth every amount of inconvenience and effort to assist the downed dragon.  Did he begin the relationship with Toothless thinking that he would one day ride and subdue him?  I don't think so.

Hiccup simply wanted to take responsibility for the damage he had done to the tail of the animal.  In order to help Toothless, he had to win his trust.  Hiccup was willing to do "whatever it takes" to win the dragon's trust.

Have you broken your dragon's trust?  Unless you are reading this on your honeymoon, I'm guessing you have.  Are you willing to do whatever it takes to win back that trust?  It may take time.  It may take lots of time.  But will be worth it.  Marriages fail because one or both partners give up too soon.

If you remain persistent long enough, eventually your dragon will come around.  The trick is to simply, "Never, never, never give up." - Winston Churchill.

Readers, thank you so much for visiting my blog.  I am praying that the truths you find here and apply to your lives will be a great help to you.  Most of all I pray that you will find that Jesus is enough to meet all your needs.  Don't give up, dear ones.

Love,

Darilyn

How to Train Your Dragon Part 7

If this movie is not really about a boy training a dragon but instead about someone learning to love their spouse, then this is something else I learned:

Adjust Your Behaviour!

In the movie, we saw this over and over again.  As Hiccup learned something new about Toothless he would adjust his behavior in order to present a consistent message of care, love, and acceptance.

When he brought Toothless a huge basket of fish and various fish-type items, he discovered Toothless found the eel particularly distasteful.

He did not:

• make excuses for why he brought the eel
• question why Toothless didn't like eel
• blame the dragon for not liking eel when "everybody else likes it" 
• criticize Toothless for being picky, or 
• accuse the dragon of being ungrateful.

Hiccup simply took the eel out of the way.  That's it.  Just take the eel away.  And don't bring any again.

Do you know what your eel is?  If you don't, ask God to reveal it to you.  He is faithful to answer those types of prayers.  He wants you to adjust your behaviour to bring Him glory.  Good, godly marriages bring Him glory.

Have you been bringing your dragon an eel for supper?  Stop.  It just isn't seen as a gift, even if you perhaps intended it to be one.  It is nothing personal.  Your dragon just doesn't like eel.

*****

Hiccup continuously made adjustments with regard to the the tail contraption he built for Toothless.

He made many revisions to its design in order to get it just right.  Then he made many attempts at controlling the artificial appendage in tandem and cooperation with Toothless -- even while in mid-flight.

That is a perfect picture of how marriage works:  you try, and then you try again.  You make mistakes, then you make revisions and try again.  You work with the limitations and strengths of your partner.  You make adjustments, accommodations, and more revisions to improve what is working, but could work better.

Hiccup could never fly without Toothless, and Toothless would never fly again if it were not for Hiccup.
If we want to get our marriages off the ground, we have to realize:

1. We cannot do it without our partner.
2. We will have to make adjustments to compensate for our partners' weaknesses.
3. It will be worth it.

Readers, I know you can do it.  With God's help we can "soar on eagles wings because we trust in Him."  I am praying for you.

Love,

Darilyn

How to Train Your Dragon Part 6

If this movie is not about a boy and his dragon, but instead contains the secrets necessary for a happy marriage, then something I learned is:

6.  Swallow the fish!

There is a moment in the film when Hiccup brings a fish for Toothless to eat.  The dragon eats it, and then -- coughs half of it back up to share with Hiccup.

Hiccup is obviously not that fond of raw fish covered in dragon slobber, but realizing the regurgitated fish is a symbol of friendship that has been extended by Toothless, he takes a bite.

Then Toothless waits expectantly for hiccup to swallow it:

It is a pivotal moment.  Will Hiccup sacrificially swallow the fish in order to receive the gesture of friendship?  Or will he choose instead to cater to his own tastes and refuse Toothless' bid for friendship?

These types of moments happen all the time in relationships and especially in marriage.  We have to learn to both recognize and receive gestures of love -- even if they are not something we would have chosen for ourself.

Once when my son was about 10 years old, and a die-hard Skittles fan, I was standing at the kitchen sink doing dishes.  He came over and offered me a sticky handful of Skittles.  Partly because my hands were immersed in dishwater, and partly because I'm more of a chocolate fan, and partly because one can never be entirely sure where those Skittles have been... I said, "Oh, no thanks, honey.  I don't want any Skittles right now."

He went over to the kitchen table and sat down quietly.  And then he started to talk.  "Mom, you know how you give us things sometimes and then you say, 'Wow, is that ever a nice shirt, someone must really love you'?"

"Yes," I said and waited for him to continue.

"Well," he said as he came back over to the sink, "do you want a skittle?"

Suddenly the light went on inside my thick head and I realized that the sweat and fuzz-covered skittle was really a symbol of my son's love for me.  There he was holding out his precious little sticky hand, palm up, offering me his love.

"Oh, yes!" I exclaimed, "I would love a Skittle!"  I took the candy and I scooped up my son in my arms and I held him tight and told him I loved him more than anything!  He gave me more than candy that day.  He gave me one of the best memories of my life.  A memory of love.  And I am so glad that I received his gesture of love.  Thank God, he gave me a second chance to do so.

When you become acquainted with someone from another culture, you have to learn some of their customs to appreciate what they are communicating.  When I was in France, I learned that to toast without making eye contact with each and every glass-clink would be considered rude.  When I was in Mexico, I learned that dinner took place at around 10 o'clock at night, any sooner would be too early.  When I taught in a small town on the prairie, I learned that to dance with another woman's husband is the worst social faux-pas.  So, we adjust our actions to assimilate into the friendship.  We go out of our way to make one another comfortable.

In our marriage we are definitely getting to know someone from another culture.  Even if we married the boy next door, they are from a different family than us and so they come from a different culture.  We have to get to know their customs, their gestures.  And sometimes we have to choose to swallow the fish.

Readers, I am praying for you to succeed in your marriage, and all your relationships.  Jesus loves you, and so do I.

Love, Darilyn

How to Train Your Dragon Part 5

If this movie is NOT about a boy and his dragon, and instead is a marriage instructional (and the more I apply what I learned, the more convinced I am that it is) then something else I learned is:

Be Humble!

On dictionary.com humility is defined as, "the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc."  The synonyms listed include: lowliness, meekness, and submissiveness.  The antonym or opposite is pride. 

God hates pride, which should be reason enough to be humble.  But the fact that humility can save or radically improve your marriage should also inspire you to read on.

*****

In the movie, the vikings had a manual that held everything they knew about dragons. But, what Hiccup discovered is, "Everything we know is wrong."

Ladies, if you have been reading Cosmo magazine and expecting it to contain information to help you in understanding your boyfriends or husband, maybe you should consider the possibility that, "Everything (you) know is wrong."

Guys, the same thing applies to you if you have been getting information from your buddies about how to understand your girlfriend, your wife, or your daughter.  You know the best source of information about your wife?  Your wife!

Ladies, the only one who can answer questions about your husband with any degree of accuracy is your husband.  Not a magazine, not your mother, and not your friends.

Pride is assuming you know it all.  You don't.   If you assume you know nothing, you are on the right track!  If you assume you have everything to learn you have taken a correct position.  The assumption that you know nothing will enable you to become a student of your dragon.

Study your dragon.  Watch them, closely.  What makes their face light up?  What makes them worry?  What makes them feel protected, respected, valued, honoured, and loved?  Do those things.  Do them often.

The formula for a successful marriage can be very simple:  Loving = Learning + Doing

Learning what your spouse needs takes humility and doing for your spouse takes even more.  So, be humble.

I am praying for you, readers.  Please let me know if this is helping you.  :)

Love Darilyn

How to Train Your Dragon Part 4

If this movie depicts NOT a relationship between a boy and a dragon, but instead reveals the formula for a successful marriage, then something I learned from it is:

Be patient!

Hiccup is the one who wants to move the relationship with Toothless forward.  He is the one that each one of us needs to identify with.  I am writing this for you -- the reader -- whether you are the husband OR the wife, you need to be the Hiccup in your relationship.

You can apply the principles that we learn from Hiccup and you can make a difference in your marriage.  Trust me.  I've been applying these lessons to my own marriage, and they have made a huge difference.

When Hiccup wants to touch Toothless, the dragon doesn't let him, at first.  But Hiccup is very patient.  First he just allows Toothless time to become accustomed to his presence.  He allows the dragon all the time he needs to feel comfortable with his nearness.  He just sits nearby.  Patiently.

Sometimes, the simplest things are what is needed.  My husband really appreciates it if I just sit with him while he is watching TV.  He loves having me beside him for a drive, and especially at church.  As for me, I like conversation -- the more involved the better.  But sometimes what is needed is the shoulder-to-shoulder togetherness that he craves so that the conversation that I need can happen.

I need to take a lesson from Hiccup -- don't force it.  Give it time.  Wait until my dragon is ready to talk.  I am ready to talk, always.  But I need to be patient.  I need to let my dragon take the time he needs to open up.  

Giving your dragon the time and space that he needs is a form of respect.  Respect is man-speak for the most highly valued love-commodity.  Women also need to be respected and allowing them the time and space they need is important too.  Gentlemen, you know what you are usually in a hurry for -- give her the time she needs to warm up to you.  Trust me.  It will pay off!  ;)

Finally Hiccup reaches out towards Toothless, then averts his eyes and bows his head and waits.  His patience pays off when the dragon leans in towards Hiccups extended hand.  The scene reminds me of Hitch's first kiss advice: "Lean in 90% of the way and then wait -- let her come to you."

We all can take a lesson from Hiccup -- Be Patient!

I am praying for you.

Love,

Darilyn

How to Train Your Dragon Part 3

If this movie is not about a boy and a dragon, but is instead about a husband and wife (or a wife and a husband) then here is what I learned:

3. Set your Dragon Free:

As I watched Hiccup's feelings change from fear to triumph then from compassion to remorse, and witnessed him cutting the ropes that bound the dragon, I couldn't help but wonder what ropes are holding my dragon captive?

When Hiccup first saw the might Night Fury tangled up in the ropes that were launched from his contraption, he was in awe of what his own actions had wrought.  "I did this," he murmured in a tone of shock and reverence.

I wonder if there have been things I've said or done that have brought my dragon down, helpless and wounded.  I don't have to wonder.  I know my words have gone out like that rope-net that snatched the Night Fury out of the sky.  And I know that perhaps some of them still hold my dragon captive.

Like Hiccup, I recognize the damage my actions have caused, and I am remorseful.  I want to set my dragon free.  And so it is up to me to cut those ropes: to apologize, to reverse my actions, to make right whatever I have made wrong in the first place.

Unfortunately, after Hiccup cut the ropes, the dragon still couldn't get away.  Not completely.  Its tail had been damaged in the fall, and it could not fly out of the pit it had found itself in.

Is your dragon stuck in a pit?  It could be a pit of depression, a financial pit, a pit of shame, a habit, or even a dead end job.  What can you do to help your dragon up out of their pit?  How can you work together to set and achieve goals that will take you both to a greater height?

You want your dragon to be free because of the marriage -- 

not feeling desperate to be free from the marriage.

For a long time I wanted to return to higher education to pursue a Master's Degree.  Unfortunately, I just could not make that happen for one reason or another for many years.  Now, because of my marriage, I am able to work on my degree.  I am earning a Masters of Arts in Communication from Spring Arbor University.  The pit I was stuck in was one of disappointment, and regret because I never had the chance to really apply myself towards higher learning.  Now I can.  With my husband's help.

Oneness is God's goal for marriage.  Can you and your dragon fly as one?  Before Hiccup and Toothless could fly as one, it took many attempts and adjustments to the artificial tail fin that Hiccup made for Toothless.  They both had lots of learning to do, and trust to build together.

What heights could you soar to with your dragon?  What can you do to help your dragon reach their potential?  What can you do for your dragon to help them overcome their deficiencies?

Readers -- thanks for reading.  If you find this at all helpful, please let me know.  I am praying for you and for your marriages.  I love you and Jesus loves you even more!  May God richly bless you this New Year!

Love Darilyn

How to Train Your Dragon Part 2

If this movie is not about a boy and a dragon, but is instead about a husband and wife (or a wife and a husband) then here is what I learned:

2.  Do not Defend

When Toothless is bound and injured and Hiccup is standing over him with his blade bared and poised to strike, the mighty dragon does not fight.  He simply lays his head down and waits.  Similarly, once Toothless is free from the ropes he was tangled in, Hiccup does nothing to defend himself from the dragon's impending attack.

Dropping your defences is the second step towards building, or repairing, trust in a relationship.

In a marriage, defensiveness can take on many forms: denying, shifting blame, making excuses, going on the offense, changing the topic, and even launching a new attack.  Defensiveness is identified as one of Dr. John Gottmann's four horsemen of the apocalypse along with criticism, contempt and stonewalling in his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.  Dr. Henry Cloud in his book, Nine Things You Simply Must Do to Succeed in Life and Love, calls defensiveness the mark of a fool.  So if being defensive is so destructive, why do people still defend themselves in a relationship?

I think folks defend themselves because they are trying to protect their image, or prevent their signifiant other from discovering underlying insecurities.  They are afraid that if someone found out the truth (they made a mistake, forgot something, had an error in judgement, etc) that they will no longer be accepted or perhaps even loved.  So they defend.  Ironically, it is the defensiveness that kills relationships, not the mistakes, forgetfulness, or miscalculations.  It is defensiveness that reveals deep insecurities.

It takes a huge amount of courage to drop your defences.  It means you are willing to face what-may-come.  It means that you are not only willing to face it, you are willing to face up to it, in other words, you are prepared to take responsibility for the situation along with all the fallout associated with it.  In my opinion, it takes a very big person to stop defending and start digging into the real work of maintaining and repairing a relationship.

Are you willing to drop your defences the next time your spouse bring you a concern?  Am I?

Lord, I pray that my readers will look to you for the courage it takes to drop their defences and face into whatever problem needs solving in their relationships.  I pray they will take that moment when they feel their defences rising to ask you for the willingness and the ability to resist the urge to defend (deflect, deny, blame, make excuses, change the topic, or attack).  I pray that you will help them listen with a willingness and determination to solve the given problem.  Amen.

Readers, thank you so much for visiting!  If you have found this blog helpful, interesting or encouraging, let me know, and share it with your friends!

May God richly bless you in your relationships,

Love Darilyn

How to Train Your Dragon Part 1

How to Train Your Dragon is an inspiring, exhilarating tale about a young man who seeks to understand his enemy.  In understanding, he grows in maturity, wisdom, courage, and eventually frees not only his own people from their ignorance but also the dragons from their oppression.  It is a feel-good movie in every way.  Yet, unlike other happily-ever-afters, this one has a dose of reality in it.


There are a myriad of themes to explore here including racism, prejudice, the value of communication, loyalty, fitting in, true courage, and many others.  But the first thought that captured my imagination is that this movie may just be the best visual aid to accompany Dr. Laura's book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands."  Or, in truth, could represent William Shakespeare's, "The Taming of the Shrew."

If you haven't seen this movie yet, you should.  

• Firstly because if you haven't seen it yet, I may spoil it for you.  
• Secondly, because you will enjoy this blog a lot more once you've seen it.
• Lastly because it is just that good.  

If you have been following my blog for any length of time, you will know that I have never yet done this:

Yet, there it is.  It is worth owning, and I have no hesitations about recommending it.  Now, where was I.  Oh, yes, The Taming of the Shrew...  If this movie is not about a boy and a dragon, but is instead about a husband and wife (or a wife and a husband) then here is what I learned:

1.  Do not kill.

When Hiccup discovers the Night Fury that he has shot down, he stands over the bound and helpless dragon and raises his dagger to kill.  The dragon looks at him and then closes its eyes, and lays its head down as if to accept its fate.  But Hiccup doesn't kill the dragon.  He decides to free it.

As soon as the dragon is free, it jumps to its feet, bears down on Hiccup, and belts out a ferocious roar close enough to blow the hair back off of Hiccups' face.  Hiccup braces himself for the worst -- death.  But the death blow doesn't come.  The dragon scampers off.

So the first lesson is Do not kill.  But since not many of us stand over our spouses with a knife poised to strike, let's break this down a bit.  We may not be using a knife to slice and dice our husbands, but are we using our words?

"The tongue has the power of life and death,"

Proverbs 18:21

So, wives and husbands I implore you -- the next time you have a cutting remark on the tip of your tongue, bite down on it.  Resist the urge to strike.  Picture your spouse as the one who is bound and injured, and helpless.  You know you have the power to bring destruction with what you might say.  But don't.  

Readers, thank you for reading.  I pray this blog is and will be a blessing to you as you seek a closer walk with Jesus and with your spouse.  May God richly bless you.  I love you and thank God for you.

Love, Darilyn

So this is Christmas...

        
          The gifts have all been opened, the turkey's been cooked.  I resisted the urge to run to the mall today to exchange the gifts that weren't "just right."  My husband is sleeping, my teenage son is on his computer, and I have to ask myself, "So, this is Christmas?"

          Why is it, every year, I get caught up in the shopping, decorating, cooking and wrapping, and seem to lose sight of the very reason for the season?  Jesus has come.

          We stress over who's visiting with who, and when.  We stress over how much we are or are not spending on gifts.  How many Christmas parties, events and dinners can we squeeze into our schedules? What does it take to make us feel like our holiday was successful, and like we are significant?  Jesus has come.

          It feels great to see family, and even better to put a smile onto the faces of the ones we hold most dear.  But it is in the quiet moments, when I can sit and reflect, that I finally remember, once again, that Jesus has come.

Jesus, Jesus, Lord to me,

Master, Saviour, New-born King,

Came to change everything,

Jesus, start with me.

Has Jesus come into your heart?  Have you invited Him in, this holiday season?  I pray God will bless you richly this holiday season with an abundance of peace in His presence.

Love, Darilyn

Inception: A Prison of Guilt

          Deep in the subconscious mind of Dominic Cobb there lives a memory of his wife, Mol.  In the basement of his subconscious is the scene of the last night Dom spent with his wife.  It is the hotel room where they spend their anniversary each year.  She has trashed the hotel room to make it look like a struggle has taken place, written letters to her lawyer indicating that she felt her life was threatened, and had doctors certify her to be of sound mind all in an attempt to get Dom to commit suicide with her.  She erroneously believed that the reality they were living in was a dream world, and that the dream world was the reality she needed to get back to.  So she did her best to convince Dom to commit suicide with her.  He didn't.  She did.

          And then he had to live with guilt.  Dom's guilt was two-fold.  First, he was the one to plant the idea in her mind that death takes you home where you belong.  Second, he was the one to survive.

          We all have some sort of baggage we carry around with us.  For some it is guilt, for others shame, regret, insecurity, inferiority, or a host of other possibilities.  Dom's subconscious mind was literally haunted by "Mol" - the personification of his memory of her.  Some of us are haunted too.

          If you catch yourself using phrases like, "If only,,," or "I should have..." then maybe you are also haunted by a memory.  The question is what do we do about it? 

          Does the Lord want us to live like that?  I don't think so.  The Bible says that he has put our trangressions as far away as the east is from the west.  It also says that our sins have been thrown into the ocean and forgotten by God.  It says we are to forget what is behind and strain towards what is ahead.  It is not the Lord who orchestrates the unpleasant reminders, the haunting memories that plague us.

          That is the work of the Accuser.  Our enemy does not want us to live like we are forgiven.  He wants us to drown in our sorrows, literally, if possible!  So how can we defeat the attacks of the evil one?  We can get into the promises of God.

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast,

because they trust in you." 

Isaiah 26:3

          Trust that the Lord has forgiven you.  He did.  The first time you asked.  Trust that He loves you.  He does, and always will, no matter what.  Trust that the Lord has a plan for you that doesn't involve torturing your mind with guilt, shame or anything else.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,

“plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11



Readers, you can let your mind rest in the knowledge of God. 

Love, Darilyn



Hey McSteamy -- I need my HOPES lifted!

We either see our plastic surgeon to get something removed or reduced, or to get something enhanced or augmented.  Last time I wrote about how my McSteamy removed my ugly growth of bitterness, unforgiveness and whatnot, free of charge.  All I have to do from now on, is remember that its done.  In fact, I think his exact words were, "It is finished."

So now, let's see.  What do I need more of?  I don't want (or need) breast augmentation.  And, rather than a collagen injection to plump up my lips (or whatever else...), what I need to continue with my emotional extreme makeover is an infusion of hope.

Sometimes we look to our circumstances and don't see any reason there to hope.  Maybe it seems like we are in a dark tunnel, without the benefit of seeing a light at the end of it.  It is very difficult to live this way.  It is even harder to die this way.  Even Jesus needed the promise of hope to carry him through.

Scripture says,

"For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, 

and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." 

Hebrews 12:2

Jesus found hope in the joy set before Him.  He needed that hope in order to get through His most difficult hour.  Naturally, we all need hope to carry us through our darkest hours.

Where is our hope?   

"In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. 

May your unfailing love be with us, LORD,

even as we put our hope in you." 

Psalm 33:21-22

"You are my refuge and my shield;

I have put my hope in your word."

Psalm 119:114

"As for me, I will always have hope;

I will praise you more and more." 

Psalm 71:14

"Hope in the LORD and keep his way.

He will exalt you to inherit the land;"

Psalm 37:34

"Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:31

Readers, this is just a small taste of the amazing promises for hope in the Bible.  I pray you will look deeply into His word for yourself.  I am praying for you.  Keep pursuing Jesus for he is surely pursuing you.  May He give you a hope-lift today!

Love Darilyn

Your Mind: The Battlefield

Your mind is a powerful thing.  In Inception, it becomes clear just how powerful our creative forces can be, and how powerful our destructive forces can be.  We can create a whole world in our mind.  And in the movie, people can infiltrate our dreams.

If you've been following the last few blogs on Inception, you know that I have drawn a parallel between Cobb and Satan -- both would steal your good ideas from you, and plant ideas into your mind that are not intended for your long term best interest.

The similarities continue.  In the film folks would have a line of defence in their dream world.  These defenders would identify and attack infiltrators -- this was the source of all the action sequences in the movie!  There was an all-out war going on within the dream worlds.

In reality, you need to train your mind to recognize and reject thoughts that Satan has placed in your mind.  If you "hear yourself" think something like, "I am such a loser," or "I am so stupid," or "I am such a klutz," then you need to blow the whistle on that thought and reject it.

Best case scenario you can say out loud, "I reject that thought!  I am a child of God, Jesus has declared that I am victorious!" or, "I have the mind of Christ, according to scripture!" or, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!"  Don't just say it.  Believe it, and act like you believe it.

The more Satan's attempts to bring you down this way results in you claiming your scriptural rights as a child of God, the less likely it is that he is going to continue trying the same thing.

And another thing -- if you are plagued by bad dreams, recognize that fear does not come from God!  You can pray and trust that all your dreams will come from Jesus only -- and they will!

If you ask Jesus to be the Lord over your dreams, then He will do battle to keep out the things that frighten you in your dreams.  He will place warrior angels over you who will do battle for you to keep your mind at peace while you sleep.  I know this is true because I did this myself.  My recurring nightmares were gone.  I have told many students about this, they've tried it, and it has worked for them too.

If Jesus is your saviour, then He is your saviour.  Ask Him.  He will be your protector even while you sleep.

Readers, I love you so much.  Thank you for visiting, thank you for sharing, and thank you for the awesome comments that have been coming in.  I am especially pleased to know there is a young girl in Norway following the blog!  Hits are way up -- let's keep it growing.  The Lord promises His word will not return void.  And He has certainly been faithful where this blog is concerned.

Love,
Darilyn

Inception -- How do you know what is reality?

In the movie, Inception, Cobb entered other people's dreams which were at times so real, that he needed some way to determine whether he was in a dream world, or in the real world.  He carried a little token, he called it a "totem" for this purpose.  If the totem continued to spin and spin, then he would know he was in a dream.  But if the totem toppled over, then he was in the real world.

How do you determine what is reality?  Some people live in a world where, they say, God is non-existent and there is no such thing as absolute truth.  Some people live in a world where they themselves are their own god.  Some people deny the existence of the sin nature in human kind, blaming poverty for the evil in the world.

How do you determine reality?  Some people live in a world where it doesn't matter if they "get it right" this time around because they will be reincarnated and get the chance to "try again."  Some people live in a world where the idea of monogamy is absurd, and children are disposable.  Some people live in a world where as long as you don't get caught, it doesn't matter what you do.

How do you determine reality?  In Inception, the totem cannot keep spinning by itself in the real world.  The totem can only continue spinning in the dream world because the dream world is constructed by the dreamer.   So by an act of his will, as long as he is in the dream state, Cobb can make the totem spin indefinitely.

We all have totems we can keep spinning as long as we are in the dream world we construct for ourselves.  We all have lies we tell ourselves to keep our totems spinning.  Perhaps a  wife looks the other way knowing her husband is having an affair.  If she acknowledges the reality of the infidelity, then her totem topples -- she loses her lifestyle, her reputation, her financial security.  Perhaps a businessman pads his expense account, overcharges his clients or cheats on his taxes -- as long as he tells himself that everybody is doing it, he can keep his totem spinning.  How do you determine reality?

How do I determine reality?  I think the earth is God's totem.  He created it, he created the entire solar system, and the many galaxies.  Our world is His reality.  He makes up the rules.  He keeps it spinning.  So, as long as the sun comes up in the East and sets in the West, I know we are all still living in God's reality.  I know God is keeping every planet in its orbit, and every ocean within its boundaries.  I know He is sovereign, and ultimately we are all playing by His rules.  He is my reality.

Readers, the best "reality check" is to see the sun rise and set again.  That proves that we are living in God's reality.  Acknowledge Him, for He is sovereign over all.  I love you, readers.  I pray that you are being blessed, and loving Jesus more each day.

Darilyn

My McSteamy's Nip and Tuck

Reader's when we visit a plastic surgeon it is for one of two reasons: either we want to get rid of a little something, or we want to gain a little something.

Like any woman my *ahem* age, I can think of several things I would like to get rid of.  For starters, the crow's feet that are beginning to circle my eyes like the spokes on a bicycle tire, after that perhaps the bulge that has settled around my mid-section, and finally... let me see...probably the skin tag that no one can see, but I know its there.

But My McSteamy didn't use lasers or a blade to get rid of physically unpleasant stuff.  He used the Word of God, which is sharper than a double-edged sword, to help me get rid of some rather unsightly emotional scars.

First, there is anger, lingering anger otherwise known as regrets, resentment, unforgiveness, or even bitterness.  All of this had to go for me to be made emotionally whole.

One of the things I was angry about was that I didn't hear the name of Jesus until I was a young adult.  I had regrets over how I had lived before I knew Him.  I was also angry about the decision I had made to surrender my career to relocate across the country.  And then I was angry that my business failed, and then my marriage ended.

If you think about it, there is no end of reasons to be angry, if angry is what you want to be.  Well, when I had finally had enough of being angry and was ready to just accept that God is sovereign and not me, then it was easy.  All I had to do was agree with God that He was God and not me.

If you've ever seen Bruce Almighty, then you know this is a good thing.  A very good thing.

So I went to my McSteamy -- no appointment necessary -- and He said, "What don't you like about yourself?"

And I said, "All this anger has got to go!"

And he said, "I thought you'd never ask.  Just give it to me.  I'll take it."

"That's it?" I asked with incredulity.

"Well, yes, and no."  He said, "You have to leave it with me and not take it back.  And you have to choose to trust me every time you are tempted to pick it back up again."

"Thanks, what do I owe you?"

"Nothing, the debt has been paid."

Meet My McSteamy:

Okay, so I am driving home thinking about all the things I have to do, and suddenly I find myself thinking about how far I've come, how much I've changed since I was an emotionally disfigured young woman.

"Emotionally disfigured" I wondered how in the world that phrase came to me. But really, I was. Rejected, abandoned, abused, neglected. But that was then, and this is now.

Then I got thinking that what this world needs is a plastic surgeon who can fix the damage done to our souls so that we are like new again. Something a bit more powerful than "chicken soup for the soul," if you know what I'm saying.

More effective than botox, we wouldn't paralyze our emotions. Our emotions just wouldn't paralyze us. We need a healer that can restore, renew, and rebuild our "ancient ruins." We need a supernatural McSteamy.

Jesus is my McSteamy. Oh yeah! I might be looking a little worn out on the outside -- somedays more than others. But on the inside, I am being renewed day by day. Jesus is real. I am a new creation because of Him.

Before I knew Jesus was really REAL...

When I was a young woman, I was very new to Christianity. I was attending church, and trying to be all that I thought a young wife and mother should be. The problem was that it just wasn’t working for me.

For a long time in my Christian walk, I was pretty sure Jesus existed, and that if I died I’d go to heaven. I pictured myself as a tiny dot in an endless sea of faces all looking to Jesus for hope.

But what I really needed was a faith that made a difference in my life here and now. What was really urgent to me was having a God who cared enough and was effective enough to make my life worth living.

I had a hunch that since God was the Creator of the universe and everything in it, He should be able to fix my life. Or at least help me. Thus I started asking questions.

I didn’t think they were hard questions, but maybe they were:

“If God can do anything, and He loves me, why didn’t he choose to...?”

“If God is strong enough to protect me, then why didn’t he prevent...?”

“If God’s design for marriage is for the husband to love his wife as Christ loves the church, then why...?”

The more I asked, the more it became clear to me that there either were no answers, or nobody knew the answers. I always seemed to get one of those stupid, worthless pat-answers.

You know the ones:

“It won’t matter in light of all eternity.”

“All things work together for the good.”

“God is sovereign,”

“This too shall pass.”

And my ultimate worst-favorite,“You gotta let God be God.”

None of these meaningless slogans helped. The things I had been through, and all I was still struggling with, simply could not be smoothed over by ineffective, sweet-nothings. If Jesus really was real, I needed to know how He could make a difference to me. Right here, right now: in the midst of all of life’s biggest uglies.

Even if Jesus IS Real? So What? How is He Relevant?

I will be speaking on November 21st at Waverley Baptist Fellowship church (see upcoming events for more information) and received this design they created displaying the title of my message.

I absolutely love it! Red is my favourite colour! And the design captures the attitude exactly of the message I will be bringing.

What do you think, readers? Do you like it?

Please pray for me as I continue to prepare the message.

Lord, may all that I say be glorifying to Jesus, may all who hear be blessed and drawn into a deeper and more rewarding relationship with Him. Bless my readers and my listeners, Lord. Thank you so much, Amen.